In every hollow space, I search for an angel. An angel that I am not sure even exists. Am I living in an illusion, or does she exist? Is it me, or does love always have to be sacrificed for? What sacrifice do we have to make? How much pain should we endure to know that’s the right one? I want to understand. However, let me tell you first.
On a night of many stars, I was just up watching and watching and listening to my heart. Heart beating with each blood pump, calling out to an angel, I didn’t know who that was. There, I had comfort, yet I couldn’t see anyone. A mirage or a dilution, I was living it, but it was peaceful than reality. In there was a home I couldn’t rely on.
In my sleep was this angel, who spoke smoothly with a voice that echoed peace, beauty that ignited every part of my life. Her behavior was that of the woman we wished for. She was the one. But how do I not lose her if I wake up? Sleep was my peace. But I can’t live there. Should I wake up to the reality of the void or continue dreaming of a life I’m not sure I will even live in? That kept me wondering.
Every search in my day was about her, for every veil, I searched through for my angel. An angel I could only smell, yet my eyes couldn’t find. Every breath was for her; every blood drop was for her. For each pump, it was seen as hope towards finding her. But to the question that I don’t even know how to answer, which part of the world will I find her? I think my heart is my compass. A compass driven with passion and a mind that is determined to find her.
To every wonderer out there, love is findable yet questionable. Love might be real, yet finding it might take years. In my dilution world, love was peaceful with laughter and pain-free. Reality brought me tears that could not be spotted. Its heartbeat that nearly broke my veins. With pain, that left me on nights that I couldn’t even differentiate between the stars and the moon. For what it's worth, in your search for love, find a heart with love like a mother. Because in each bit of it, there is pain.