It's so possible to be blinded by love, but then try as much as possible to open one eye to see the necessary things you are supposed to see in a relationship before proceeding to "Yes, I do." Well gone are the days in which that word is sacred; in this present generation, it is a common word because, if not so, a marriage where millions of naira were spent and this word was said on the altar won't crash in the space of two months. I was shocked when I was told that a family of mine who got married is now divorced after two months. What could have happened? I asked the same question.
In relationships, red flags are those things we aren't supposed to ignore, but we do anyway due to some factors. Unfortunately, later in the long run, it will become unbearable, and lovable couples that you once knew would have to go their separate ways. Some attitudes are not to be tolerated in relationships, but then we tolerate them anyway with reasons best known to individuals. As humans, we are given the privilege of choosing our desired partners, except for those that were matchmade. Even those who were match-made still change the choices given to them if they aren't comfortable with it. Some see these red flags and still go ahead with the love affairs to prove points that are not necessary.
To me, a few factors make one ignore red flags in relationships, which might later turn out to be their worst nightmare. Factors such as:
- Pressure to get married: Some are pressured to get married due to their age, and they tend to ignore the red flags just to satisfy their families, especially their parents. When a male or female is getting to a certain age, there is much pressure on them to get married to their families, not considering their happiness and convenience.
- Poverty: Here is another factor that makes people ignore red flags in their relationships. Having a partner who is a bit richer and more successful than you are seems like the golden eggs of a golden goose to some people. They never wanted to let go because of the financial benefits they enjoyed from such a relationship, not minding whatever it was they were witnessing negatively.
- Pity: Some get married out of pity, and that is the biggest mistake made by many, I must say. I have an aunt who always wishes she had chosen differently, even when she is over fifty years of age. According to her story, she married her husband out of pity, and things aren't palatable for her now, I must say, despite being in the marriage for years. When she started the relationship with her present husband then, she saw all the red flags like smoking, drinking, and womanizing, but she ignored them all, thinking he would be hurt if she decided to leave him, and now she is dancing to the tune.
- Indecision: Some people have no clue about what they want for themselves when it comes to their relationships. Some will be going back and forth without any tangible idea of what they want and how they want their partner to be, hence settling for less in the long run despite seeing all the red flags.
WHAT ARE THE THINGS I CONSIDER RED FLAGS IN A RELATIONSHIP?
There are a few things I can't cope with in my relationship. It might seem a lot to my readers, but to me, it's few. As humans, we are not perfect, and this is a known fact, but in our imperfections, we should be closer to being perfect. Don't misquote me; remember, no one is perfect, and that is the reality. But for me, I considered some things as red flags that I will never cope with. Instead, I'd rather run for my dear life. Some of these red flags are:
- Smoking: I dislike smokers; I can't cope with such people, and I'd rather go my desperate way.
- Drinking: if my supposed partner is an alcoholic addict who drinks at every little opportunity, it is surely a no-go area for me.
- Irresponsible dressing: I love to see whoever I'm in a relationship with dress neatly and smartly. Appearing before the world responsibly, not as a thug or hoodlum, having a nice haircut, and smells nice.
- Talkative: I dislike people talking too much; not knowing when to stop talking is a big problem for some people. I would love my man to know when to talk and when not to, and that's one of the things I love about my dad. He always knew when to talk and when not to, which placed him in a place of respect.
- Nonchalant attitude: as a lady, I wouldn't expect this from someone I will be in a relationship with. Always know what to do per time. Time is so precious; it's not to be wasted. That's why it will be good to do the right things at the right time.
- Laziness: this will never go well with me. I dislike laziness; I just can't condone it. I love when one is hardworking, focused, disciplined, and determined. I love someone who finds opportunities in impossibilities to create a better future. To me, all these listed red flags are something I will gladly avoid in my relationship.
Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.