Hello Hivemates!
I'm back again with something I need to let out—a little story, a little release. Maybe someone out there needs this too.
Lately, life has been... a lot.
It’s that kind of tiredness that sinks deeper than just your bones. P.E. classes drained every inch of muscle I didn’t even know existed. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, we had a brain-wrecking group activity in physics that almost made my head explode. My body’s sore, my mind’s fried, and my heart? Kind of heavy too.
Every single day, I’ve been trying. I go to class. I try to stay mentally present. I submit requirements. I show up—even when I don’t feel like I have the strength to. But no matter how hard I push to keep up, I still end up feeling like I’m always one step behind.
And then it hit even harder — I failed.
I had to take a removal exam. Something I never thought I’d ever go through. I used to be that student people looked up to. I was consistently on the high honors list. Graduated as salutatorian in high school. I was always the “achiever,” the one who people thought had it all figured out. Yet here I am now — struggling, unsure, and honestly? Feeling like I disappointed myself.
These past few days have been rough. I can’t even tell exactly what started it. It just felt like this dark cloud rolled in... and stayed. Everything felt off. Like I was trying to run on an empty tank.
I started asking myself: “Why does it feel like none of this matters anymore?”
I really gave it my best. I stayed up way too late, trying to study everything even if my brain was barely functioning. I didn’t miss any of my classes—I made sure of that. I really thought I was doing enough. But still... I messed up. And I started thinking, “Maybe I’m not as smart as I used to be. Maybe I don’t even belong here anymore.”
It was hard not to notice how everyone else seemed okay. They were laughing, moving forward, getting things done like it was easy. And there I was, just stuck. Like I was paused while the rest of the world kept going.
And that kind of feeling? It's lonely.
At first, I kept it to myself. I still smiled. Still laughed. But deep down, I was hurting. There were nights I cried quietly, just staring at the ceiling. Overwhelmed by fear. Drowning in shame. And during those quiet, aching moments... I turned to God.
I didn’t always have the right words. Sometimes, it was just tears and long, heavy sighs. But still—I kept praying. “Lord, give me strength. Please remind me that this pain is not forever.” I was begging for even a little peace. Just a little light.
And slowly, in the middle of all that darkness... people around me unknowingly became that light.
My friends—through simple check-ins, random hugs, silly jokes—they helped me hold on. Some of them probably don’t even know how much they saved me. They reminded me of who I was at a time I was starting to forget. They made me feel seen. Made space for me to exist—no questions asked, no pressure to explain.
I’m still healing. Still trying to figure things out.
But here’s what I’m learning: failing doesn’t mean it’s over. It means I’m growing—even when it hurts like hell. I’m learning to be kinder to myself. To stop comparing my pace to everyone else’s. To understand that a few bad days don’t wipe away the good ones I’ve had.
So if you’re in your own storm right now, let me tell you this:
It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to feel weak. Just don’t let go.
Keep praying. Keep going. And let people love you through it.
This season won’t last forever. One day, it’ll all make sense.
Until then, we keep walking—slowly, quietly, but bravely.
The first picture is edited from Canva. All of the photos presented is truly mine.