Oh maybe the problem is me.
Last month I went to a tech store in my city. This place is where I used to work. May I say, my first ever proper work place. I won’t go into my previous job before this one, because I only stayed for a day or two🤣 This place is called WTC, it’s like a tech mall that has so many well-known brands and the latest electronics. After graduating from high school, I used to work at one of the mobile phone stores here.
One of the challenges of working at a mall like this, in my opinion, is the working hours. Since it’s open for more than ten hours, so (as far as I can remember) the shift options are 10am to 7pm or 12pm to 9pm. And we haven’t talk about the overtime that often happens on a daily basis.
I remember feeling like I didn't have time to hang out with my friends because of the working hours. Even if I get out of the work place at 7pm, I still had to drive about 30 minutes to get home. With that being said, I knew I was exhausted and just wanted to lie down in bed afterward.
I went there this year to buy a specific item, so I went straight up to the brand store I was looking for, without wandering around. The setting of this mall is so confusing. It has complicated alleys and some of the stores were in odd locations. That’s obviously just my opinion, but back then I also thought the same.
I couldn't help the question that suddenly popped into my head, why did I quit my first job? The working hours may have been an issue, but I know that wasn't a strong reason for me to finally leave. I don’t think I spend my teenage years as an introvert, because I was pretty much be able to having fun in most social situations. But after I entered high school, I don’t even know what made me start to become more quiet around people.
That’s happen until I entered a work environment, I was so quiet up the point my coworker would joke around something like “don’t be so quiet, let’s talk with us, with these ghosts”🤣 I actually liked that person, but I don’t even know how to talk to her and my other coworkers. They were all married women, so I was the youngest among the people who worked there. Maybe at that time, I was just too young to adapt and adjust to someone older than me.
After I getting what I needed, I went upstairs and wandered around. The food court I used to see regularly but not to eat, because I wouldn’t be able to saved up my salary if I bought my lunch there every day. Then I prayed at the mosque I always excited to visit when I worked there, just because it meant I could leave my desk and get away from my coworkers for a while. I remember that I even going to the toilet a lot too, just sitting there, thinking about “how long do I have to live like this?”
It wasn’t about the working hours, or my coworkers, or anything else that can’t be mention. It was about me. it’s funny how I have a tendency to looking for my mistakes, only to blame my self. Even it was about 6 or 7 years ago, I still question myself “why did I quit?” as if I want to regret it all over again.
Because back then, I knew some people were really upset when I quit my job, myself included. And I feel like I still the exact same person after all, someone who make impulsive decisions without thinking long term enough. And more often than not, I regret it for some period of time.
But after walking through all those alleys, and smelling that familiar smell (I don’t even know how to describe it–maybe the smell of new electronics or something like that), the memories were right in front of me. I can’t blame my self too much for not knowing better at the time. I told myself once again, that this place wasn’t for me.
I guess I wanted to start the series of revisiting my past self just to reflect on the path I’ve taken and the journey I’ve been on so far. And for better or worse, try to forgive myself for everything I’ve done. Even now, I feel like I still don’t know how to live my life any better. But as long as I’m willing to learn, I’ll be okay, right?