Have you had that experience when you are always there for your friends, taking them out, supporting them and their family, surprising them with all kinds of things, taking them through when they are passing through challenges in life and doing this spontaneously, taking them for a trip?
This was me days back. I was the one that would make those moments happen. I love to pay for everyone's meal, help them out when they are struggling and just take them on an adventure, sponsored solely on me. It's very good to see my friends smile.
I love to create those memories and to be that kind of friend. It's a way that everyone relies on for happiness, thinking that all those who can't. But then something really changed this narrative for me. I discovered that some of my friends started pulling away from me saying they felt too guilty about everything I've been doing for them.
Yes, that is it. They were so insecure about my generosity. And sometimes it ended wih fear of losing my friendship. It was just like a wake-up call and it taught me a big lesson in that moment, that no matter what happened, I should always give life a balance and create room for true connection.
At first I didn't get this message. I thought it was something bigger than this or it was something wrong. I said, why would my friend walk after all the help and after everything I've done to him?
But when I reflect back, I see the reason why it happened.
My friends were withdrawing themselves from me because they were struggling with their own feelings. They were having this feeling of guilt that they couldn't give me back the same benedict I gave to them. I was with them.
A relationship that is supposed to be balanced. I was given so much that it made most of them feel so uncomfortable and they couldn't keep up of the kindness and they couldn't be anything more.
This lessons hit me very hard like, I opened my eyes to the deeper meaning of being too over generous at every time at any given point in time, giving isn't just about the action or what you do, it's how it makes other feels at the same time. I learned that this generosity doesn't keep scores the way we think.
Generosity also has to respect boundaries well when I started having honest conversation with my friend, I would say hey I would love to take you out, would you want to if you don't mind? This will make them not feel too pressured, or can we just contribute and do this and do that? Making them be part of it even though they are contributing a little at least they should be part of it all.
Those talks and conversations changed everything for me. I started discovering that some friends even opted to split the bees with me or even take turns planning our outings or adventures and this has brought us more closer. This wasn't about the money only because they're about building that strong connection that deep one that where everyone felt value and no one is feeling less of him or herself.
Giving is one of the most beautiful thing of life, but whether it's your time, your love, your energy, your presence, all those small acts can brighten someone's day. But what you have to learn is that giving in a way that uplifts people and not to make them feel guilty.
I have to focus on the moment I share with my friends, the moment we contribute together. I've also learned to receive all these threats from my friends. Instead of, oh, let me be the one giving, I decided to also keep receiving.
If you're someone who loves to give, you have to keep doing it. But know how to balance things off, off. Spread the joy, memories. But remember, these best gifts leave the room for others to give back too.
You have to find that balance and work with it. Try to understand your friends and respect their boundaries when it comes to giving. Let them take part in what they expect you to do. And I'm still learning.
I'm thankful for the lessons.
