Relationships are built on trust, mutual respect, and shared values. Unfortunately, I have experienced heartbreak three times because of issues that I cannot overlook, no matter how much I love someone. One of the most painful experiences was with a girl I introduced to my pastor, believing she was serious about our future. Just two months later, she got pregnant by a tout in my village, Olugwu, in Apa Local Government Area of Benue State. That incident, along with other experiences, has made me realize that some behaviors are absolute red flags for me. Here are the things I cannot condone in a relationship and the reason why. As you read, you will also see the way out or solutions to what I @ekojah considered as my red flag in relationships.
- Laziness /too much sleeping:
I am not lazy so it is an error for me to Marry a lazy woman or be in a relationship with a lazy woman. A lazy partner is a burden rather than a support system. I believe in hard work and personal growth, so I cannot be with someone who refuses to contribute to the relationship or her own development. Laziness and too much of sleeping make good things slip from your hands and leads to a lack of ambition, disorderliness, and dependence, which can cause frustration. The best way to tackle this is by setting expectations early and encouraging a culture of hard work and self-improvement.
- Heavy Makeup: My sister , named
Mary,made me to appreciate natural beauty.I am not against make up. While I appreciate beauty, I prefer natural looks over excessive makeup. Heavy makeup often hides a person’s real face, and I value authenticity in a partner. Moreover, some people use makeup as a cover for insecurities rather than embracing their true spending time on make up again can make us late to church, work or better still loose important things.I have witnessed this before. If my partner loves makeup, we should find a balance where she enhances her beauty without overdoing it.
- Stinginess: Stinginess is a disease. If @ekojah is not stingy how possible it is for me to settle for stingy lady.No way!. A stingy person finds it hard to share, even when they have enough to give. In a relationship, generosity is key because love involves caring and supporting each other. If my partner is stingy with money, time, or even emotions, it creates a gap between us. The solution is open communication and leading by example—showing generosity and expecting the same in return.
- Keeping Too Many Friends: By His grace I am from the village where tradition demand that you should not keep More two friends.The other friends should be just Hi- friends which means greet Play and go your way. I believe that too many friends
can be a distraction in a relationship. Friends can sometimes bring unnecessary drama, influence bad decisions, or take away valuable time that should be spent building our future together. While I don’t mind my partner having friends, I prefer moderation. The best way to handle this is by setting boundaries and ensuring that our relationship remains the priority.
- Gossiping and Lying: My late mum told me that, 'Honesty is the foundation of any strong relationship'. A partner who gossips about others will likely gossip about me too, and lying destroys trust. I cannot be with someone whose words I cannot rely on. The solution is to encourage honesty and make it clear that trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild.
- Cheating/Unfaithfulness: Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. Once a person cheats, it shows a lack of respect and commitment to the relationship. My past experience has taught me that if someone cheats once, they are likely to do it again. The only way to tackle this is by walking away. Forgiveness is possible, but trust is difficult to regain.
- Too Much Talking: I appreciate good communication, but I also value peace and quiet. A partner who talks excessively without listening can be exhausting. Communication should be balanced—both partners should have a chance to speak and be heard. The best way to manage this is by setting clear communication expectations and encouraging meaningful conversations.
- Commanding Me any how.: A relationship should be a partnership, not a dictatorship. I cannot tolerate a partner who always wants to control my actions, choices, or lifestyle. Mutual respect is crucial, and decisions should be made together. The best way to handle this is by standing firm on my values and making it clear that I am not someone to be controlled.
- Disrespecting me: Respect is non-negotiable. A disrespectful partner will never truly value or appreciate me. Whether it’s through words, actions, or attitudes, disrespect is a sign of deeper problems. The only way to deal with this is by setting clear boundaries—if someone cannot respect me, they do not deserve to be in my life.
In conclusion, Friends,I charge you to learn from my past experiences. My past experiences have taught me that some behaviors are simply unacceptable, no matter how much love exists in a relationship. A healthy relationship requires respect, trust, and compatibility. If these red flags appear, it’s better to walk away than to stay in a toxic situation. I have learned from my past, and I will never ignore these warning signs again. Thank you for reading through my blog.