This book is a real eye opener when it comes to understanding introverted people. One third of USA's population is introverted and I must admit that there has always been prejudice around the presence of quiet people. Susan Cain's book "Quiet" - The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking- is a beautiful ode to introversion. There is no such thing as a perfect introvert or extrovert. We all have a bit of both in our personality. What is fundamental to understand is that we respond to stimulus differently. Introverts feels better in familiar places, where they can focus on a particular task. This doesn't mean that they don't enjoy social interaction or new experiences, it is only that their brain responds differently to all of that stimulus and has a preference for a different type of stimulation than the extrovert.
I am mostly an introvert and I have found this book to be very helpful in understanding myself and the world around me. We can identify a lot of false beliefs about introverts and Susan does a great job in demolishing every myth. A quiet person, who prefers to work in solitude is not a weird individual, it is just that our society has created a bad understanding of these people. Without introverts we would not have Apple, Harry Potter, the theory of gravity, Schindler's List, as all of these are the works of introverted people. Not to mention art, music, paintings and sculptures. Studies have shown that working alone and focusing on one particular task is more efficient than anything else and introverts have shown that they can do a better job than extroverts when it comes to controlling their own impulses, commiting to deliberate practice and delaying gratification. Introverts, despite their cold demeanour, can feel intense emotions and are more capable of empathy than the world gives them credit. They also prefer deep meaningful conversations rather than small talk just because their brain perceives the stimulus given by a genuine conversation more appealing. This is why you can't just be instantly chatty with an introvert, they don't get the same excitement as you with small talk. Small talk is boring and dreadful for an introvert. The things can change if the topic of the conversation is something that inspires the introvert, as in such situations some introverts would not stop talking. We act differently according to the environment. I believe that we all have been in situations where with the wrong group we would decide to be silent as with the right people we couldn't feel more happier to talk.
Another interesting information in this book refers to the way in which knowing what kind of personality we have can help us in making better choices when it comes to a job. Open spaces offices are actually a bad idea, as studies have shown that people tend to become more aggressive, lazy and not productive working in such places. When you get to know yourself and what you prefer, you will start to realize what kind of a workplace would not be good for you. I believe that schools should also take into consideration that not all children are supposed to be gregarious and that introverted, quiet children should be accepted rather than ridiculed. Parents should also not put the pressure on a child to be something they are not. Susan Cain gives excellent advices in this book on how we can transform our society if we begin to trully understand quiet people and the way their brain works.
The qualities of an introverted personality help the person who has it to be more easily oriented towards studying for hours without being easily distracted, more capable to trully listen and to be detail focused and to have the power to exclude oneself from environments/people who are not making the introvert feel secure and in their element. As the introverted person is much more likely to go within and be in tune with themselves, it has been proven by studies that they are capable of leaving a job sooner than an extrovert and not stay in bad situations. This is clearly an advantage of the quiet people, as they might seem as cool as the ocean while underneath a whole array of emotions and decisions are taking place.
I selected a couple of my favourite quotes from the book and hopefully they will inspire you to read it. Have a great day and toodle loo!
Pay attention to what you envy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire
Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly. Free Trait Theory explains why an introvert might throw his extroverted wife a surprise party
Extroverts are more likely to take a quick-and-dirty approach to problem solving, trading accuracy for speed, making increasing number of mistakes as they go, and abandoning ship altogether when the problem seems too difficult or frustrating. Introverts think before they act, digest information thoroughly, stay on task longer, give up less easily, and work more accurately. Introverts and extroverts also direct their attention differently:if you leave them to their own devices, the introverts tend to sit around wondering about things, imagining things, recalling events from their past and making plans for the future. The extroverts are more likely to focus on what's happening around them. It's as if extroverts are seing "what is" while their introverted peers are asking "what if"
In most settings, people use small talk as a way of relaxing into a new relationship, and only once they're comfortable do they connect more seriously. Sensitive people seem to do the reverse. "They enjoy small talk only after they've gone deep", says Strickland. "When sensitive people are in environments that nurture their authenticity, they laugh and chitchat just as much as anyone else
Human extroverts have more sex partners than introverts do, but they commit more adultery and divorce more frequently, which is not a good thing for the children of all those couplings. Extroverts exercise more, but introverts suffer fewer accidents and traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjoy wider networks of social support, but commit more crimes. As Jung speculated almost a century ago about the two types, "the one [extroversion] consists in a high rate of fertility, with low powers of defense and short duration of life for the single individual; the other [introversion] consists in equipping the individual with numerous means of self - preservation plus a low fertility rate"
Once you understand introversion and extraversion as preferences for certain types of stimulation, you can begin consciously trying to situate yourself in environments favorable to your own personality-neither overstimulating nor understimulating, neither boring not anxiety-making
Your sweet spot is the place where you're optimally stimulated. You probably seek it out already without being aware that you're doing so. Imagine that you're lying contentedly in a hammock reading a great novel. This is a sweet spot.
You can set up your work, your hobbies, and your social life so that you spend as much time inside your sweet spot as possible. People who are aware of their sweet spots have the power to leave jobs that exhaust them and start new and satisfying businesses. They can hunt for homes based on their temperaments of their family members-with cozy window seats and other nooks and crannies for the introverts, and large, open living-dining spaces for the extroverts.
Many children are like dandelions, able to thrive in just about any environment. But others, including the high-reactive types that Kagan studied, are more like orchids:they wilt easily, but under the right conditions can grow strong and magnificent.
Peer pressure, in other words, is not only unpleasant, but can actually change your view of a problem
Studies have shown that performance gets worse as group size increases: groups of nine generate fewer and poored ideas compared to groups of six, which do worse than groups of four. The "evidence from science suggests that business people must be insane to use brainstorming groups", writes the organizational psychologist Adrian Furnham. "If you have talented and motivated people, they should be encouraged to work alone when creativity or efficiency is the highest priority"
One of the most interesting findings, echoed by later studies, was that the more creative people tended to be socially poised introverts. They were interpersonally skilled but not of an especially sociable or participative temperament. They described themselves as independent and individualistic. As teens, many had been shy and solitary
Introverts prefer to work independently, and solitude can be a catalyst to innovation. As the influential psychologist Hans Eysenck once observed, introversion "concentrates the mind on the task in hand, and prevents the dissipation of energy on social and sexual matters unrelated to work". In other words, if you're in the backyard sitting under a tree while everyone else is clinking glasses on the patio, you're more likely to have an apple fall on your head. (Newton was one of the world's great introverts. William Wordsworth described him as "A mind forever/Voyaging through strange seas of Thought alone")
If there is only one insight you take away from this book, though, I hope it's a newfound sense of entitlement to be yourself
If you're an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain. As a child you might have overheard your parents apologize for your shyness. Or at school you might have been prodded to "come out of your shell". Now that you're an adult, you might still feel a pang of guilt when you decline a dinner invitation in favor of a good book. Or maybe you like to eat alone in restaurants and could do without the pitying looks from fellow dinners. Or you're told that you're "in your head too much", a phrase that's often deployed against the quiet and the cerebral. Of course, there's another word for such people:thinkers. I have seen firsthand how difficult it is for introverts to take stock of their own talents, and how powerful it is when finally they do