Some books whisper wisdom. Others scream it in your face.
And then there’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* — a book that doesn’t just scream, it punches you in the gut, shakes you by the shoulders, and asks, “What are you doing with your life?”
I expected it to be a rebellious, self-help manifesto about not giving a sh*t about what anyone thinks, so when I initially picked it up, I felt like I understood what I was in for. Yet that was not the case. Not really.
This book was not about apathy. It was not a matter of being alienated in life.
It was a decision or a choice of what really counts… and the strength to drop all the rest.
And mark my words--it is a hard lesson to learn.
When You Care Too Much, You Bleed Everywhere
We are a generation that is inundated by people who want to be heard and seen, a generation of social media, friends, strangers, the constant flow of news and outrage.
We are instructed to care every day.
Take interest in the trends. Care about the drama. Be concerned with the opinions of everybody.
And otherwise you are heartless.
Yet the fact is this:
The quickest highway to soul-burnout is caring about all these things.
The author (Mark Manson) is brutal about it, your fcks are limited. Imagine that you have them as coins in a jar. When you use them on all these little things you end up with nothing on big things.
It struck a chord with me as I realized that without really meaning to do so I had been bleeding my energy to places that did not deserve it.
I worried about the people who did not bother about me.
I was obsessed with the things that I could not solve.
I allow people I do not even know on the internet to determine my mood.
and as we went along somehow… I lost interest in myself.
This book doesn’t pat you on the head and tell you, “It’s okay, life will get better.”
It slaps you.
It says, “Stop playing the victim. You’re not special. Life sucks sometimes. Now, what are you going to do about it?”
And as harsh as that sounds, there’s something strangely freeing about it.
Because when you stop pretending life is supposed to be perfect, you stop being shocked when it’s not.
The truth is, pain is inevitable.
You can’t escape struggle. You can only choose the kind you’re willing to endure.
And that choice that single choice will shape the life you live.
The greatest misconception that people have about the book is believing that it is a book about being careless or cold.
It’s not.
It is about being caring… about the right things.
You cannot say yes to everything.
You can not win all battles.
Not everyone will be pleased.
You lose yourself just as soon as you attempt it.
Since each time you say yes to something that is meaningless it is a no to something that can transform your life.
I have learned to begin to take care of my yes like a valuable jewel.
And saying no became one of the most freeing things I ever did in my life and I said it without guilt, without shame.
This is one of the most vicious realities in the book, you are in charge of your life--even the things that are not your fault.
It does not sound fair. And it is. It is the key to freedom though.
The second is that because as soon as you own your mess, you have the power to clean it.
I recall one occasion when I lost an opportunity which I had labored months to get, due to the act of another person. It took weeks to blame them, I played the situation over again in my mind, I was submerged in anger.
The blame did not correct it.
Owning up did.
It was pounded into me by the Manson philosophy:
Parenthood does not give a damn about fairness.
The faster you quit insisting that it should be fair, the faster you will be able to make it better.
It is not the swearing. Nor is it the rebellious tone.
It is the way it compels you to stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself standing there- no excuses, no filters.
How much of our lives we spend in trying to be liked, trying to fit in, trying to be what some imaginary list says we are supposed to be, what success is.
This book tells: Fuck the checklist.
Just what is it that you want?
And are you ready to die of it?
Because happiness isn’t about avoiding pain.
It’s about finding something worth the pain.
The Decision We All Make
In the end, you will be concerned about something.
You will spare your fucks somewhere.
The issue is whether it will be about what really matters? Or, will you lose it in racket and melodrama and continual desire to be liked?
In my case the lesson was easy enough but great:
The world will select my values in case I fail to make decisions.
And the world does not give a damn about my bliss.
So I began nipping things out.
Toxic friendships. Pointless arguments. Approval-chasing.
And things that made my soul go up in flame I gave space to in their place.
The Art Lies in the Subtlety
It is not what it is actually all about, the not giving a fck.
It is doing so called giving a fck, but less frequently and more deliberately.
It is about realizing your value, your boundaries, your limits.
It is about the struggles you choose, the armor in which you put them on.
And that is perhaps the reason that this book will always remain with me.
It did not only teach me to live differently but it also gave me the strength to cease living to please other people.
So here’s the question I leave you with:
If your f*cks are limited, where will you spend them?
Because every time you waste one on something meaningless, you’re stealing it from the things — and people — that truly matter.
Choose wisely.
And give them with your whole heart.
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