One sunny afternoon I was walking with an older friend. The road was busy, anyone using the road need not be reminded how careful he should be to avoid awful experiences with motorcyclists. As we walked and talked, a man who had just walked past us stormed back dragging my friend by the arm, he inquired with a harsh tone why he finds it so difficult to identify with any familiar face he sees on the way. He concluded that it must be that this friend of mine is either full of himself or not friendly at all. All I could just do was watch the scenario with parted lips. My friend was embarrassed and he couldn't get himself to utter any word as the furious man made his way to where he was headed.
That was not good, I thought to myself. Of course, we continued our journey. I was surprised to see him laughing it off, although I believed that it wouldn't be all smiles in the inside. He explained that many people have made the same claim, others complain, but for those who politely inquire, he takes time to explain. He had been diagnosed with Myopia, an eye disorder making it very difficult for him to see distant objects clearly. I felt really bad for him, I've always known him to be approachable, inviting and easy to relate with in character. It wouldn't be that easy for him to deal with such careless criticism.
Many have taken steps to the wrong direction, others have made baseless claims, while others misunderstood and judged on mere assumptions. Homes, friendships, relationships, groups, even organizations torn apart all because people refuse to scrutinise a matter before jumping into conclusions. But come to think of it. Is it that appropriate to jump into conclusions? Have you really scrutinized the matter enough to give your verdict?
If you think the answers to these questions are 'NO', Then I think the best thing to do it to put a halt to the quick vex or decision, and reexamine. Here are some of the suggestions that could help;
CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY
Instead of agreeing to what the eyes see or what the hears hear, pause and examine the possibilities of how true or false the information may turn out to be. A naive or inexperienced is said to be one who believes everything. The eyes could be misleading, the tongue, much more misleading, but the heart does even worse. The court will always say, "A suspect is innocent until proven guilty". Which means that there are chances that this defendant must have been wrongly accused.
HEAR LESS, TALK LESS, SEE LESS
Bear in mind that there are people bent of speaking ill and painting awful pictures about others. Instead of listening to hear-says or side talks, why not ignore and move on? How about spreading news or rumors that you do not have the full details? Incidents in most cases tend to have different stories and this could be as a result of the eye witnesses' point of view or what some others believed must have happened.
FIND OUT MORE, OBSERVE CLOSELY
Instead of passing quick judgements, why not make an effort to approach the person. Many have come to see that very wicked and irresponsible images others painted are gentle and amiable souls afterall. Some others could be passing through difficult times that we can never see from a distance. If we could take a little time from the many we condemn them from to try to know more about them, the picture can become much clearer.
BE PATIENT
Let's picture this scenario. Let's say you're driving, a car ahead was moving very slowly and not giving you way in spite of your persistent honking. You almost lost your chill, but you noticed a small sticker on the car's rear written "Physically challenged; Patience please.”
Would that not change your reaction? You might even decide to be a little protective of the car and driver even if you would have to get to your destination later. Now, come to think of it, would you have been patient if there was no sticker?
Will we be more patient and kind with others if only they had labels pasted on their foreheads?
Labels like:
~ Unemployed
~ Messed up financially
~ Going through a bad divorce
~ Emotionally abused
~ Lost a loved one in death
~ Having an eye defect
~ Battling cancer
.....and many others.
Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.
The least we can do is be patient and kind too. We don't have to put people through the pressures of explaining before we understand their pains and offer our little best. As you go through each passing day always remember that there is an invisible label in us all.
TRY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE POSITIVE AND IGNORE THE NEGATIVE
Humans we are and imperfect at that we may deviate and make mistakes. So instead of impaling people for their shortcomings why not identify areas they've really done well and commend them for those, remembering that we are not immune to mistakes too. Consider the account of king Manasseh who did several vile things, but because he had some good sides and areas he acted well, he was forgiven and reinstated to his kingly position after years of exile in a foreign land. We can put ourselves in their shoes, it might make understanding them much easier.
Always remember that it can never be day or night in every city of the world at the same time. To some a container might be cylindrical, to others rectangular while for some it may be square. A book's cover could be deceiving, and so could people. Instead of criticizing people take some time to know them more. Instead of speaking negatively of people while not acknowledge their various strengths and commend them for them. Instead of noticing how heavy the rains is, why not close your ears and observe how peaceful it sounds.
I'll love to conclude with Sheila Heti's words "There are certain people who do not feel like they were raised by wolves, and they are the ones who make the world tick. They are the ones who keep everything functioning so the rest of us can worry about what sort of person we should be". Should we be such people? Or should we be ones who understand, ones who are never quick to pass judgement, ready to give others a chance first, remembering that there are two sides to every narrative?
With love, brainbrian