The Curse of Being Too Selfless
"Your child is never going to be successful. She is too kind" I heard the exact same words came out from the mouth of an old shaman my mom hired when I was a kid to look at my palm and tell her my future. The man didn't even flinch nor shy away from my eyes saying it, like it was an ultimatum.
It never came to my mind until later in life. When I pondered the reason why mom kept asking me weird questions throughout my childhood.
"Oh, did you give it again to someone?"
"Oy, I gave you money did you let someone borrow it?"
"Is it that hard to say no?"
When she would ask me these kinds of questions, I would usually shrug my shoulders and get on with my day. I never thought something out of it. After all, my dad was to blame for my kindness. He was the one who drilled me to helping others; to think others before myself. That an open heart is a treasure desired by everyone and so it stayed with me.
Now, I kinda understand where my mom is getting. I may took kindness to the extreme. There are a lot of my co-workers and friends who borrowed money from me without ever paying. Most of the time I can't also say no to people when they ask for favors even though it would be hard for me to accomodate them.
After remembering what the old shaman told my mom when I was a kid. I kinda had nightmares about it for a while. I couldn't change myself over night. And what am I supposed to do? Be bad and evil all of a sudden? It was mind buggling honestly.
I retraced my memory lane of how many times I refused to say no just because I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings or because I badly wanted to help. But now I realized that the shaman wasn't wrong in some point, I do struggle most of the times with finance because of my selflessness.
I came to a point in life where I started learning how to say "no". No means no. No means a limit to where my kindness should be. I started to learn that saying no doesn't mean I am not kind anymore. Kindness and intelligence should come hand to hand so you wont be abused. That kindness must be separated from stupidity.
Today, I still have my nightmares about the old shaman saying I won't be successful in life. But I came to a conclusion that my fate in life won't be based on one person's words but with me, with my actions. It is me who would curve my path and only me. And that monetary isn't the only measure of success. I can be successful whatever my status in life is. We choose our own happiness, our own success.
A/N : I have been away for quite a while. I hope I can write the reason in another time but for now here's something my head keeps pondering these past few days. See you sa next article.