"Sorry to say this, but... surgery, you have to undergo surgery again because it is already big, you have to. A spray? You can only feel better for a short time, but it won't stop growing. So think it over."
I've been living a good life since my last surgery on my nose. I was the happiest during that time. My surroundings turn into flowers with their bright colors and lively vibes. And then suddenly, everything turns pitch black, and I am hearing a crackling noise. Everything in my surroundings is breaking down, it's getting ugly and sad.
And then I remember what my doctor said before: "As much as possible, every 6 months you have to visit and have a checkup because there are huge possibilities that it will come back again." I heard it loud and clear, but... I set it aside. I got too complacent and thought that everything would stay the same even if I didn't do that. But what a letdown and an ugly turn of events!
Every word that the doctor is spitting is like poison for me while I'm sitting in front of him hearing it all. It is breaking my spirit, and all of my optimism just vanishes. It is tearing me apart and slowly killing me. It is just F*CK! I'm really mad right now. I feel like going crazy, to be honest. Why is it me again? I'm sorry, even though I know it is my fault too, I can't help but blame everything.
Am I just unfortunate, or is it a punishment? A test? I don't think so, it is a punishment for sure, and I am the unfortunate one who has to accept it all. I fcking hate this! I can hear Juan Karlos voice singing "Ere" with this particular line, "Oh, 'di ba? Nakakaptangina!" It really fits my situation right now. And I thought hearing the word the doctor said regarding the surgery was the worst, but there is much worse than that.
"And sorry to say this again, but the number you have to pay for the surgery got doubled already. So you have to ready $2,112 to $2288." Wow, $1092 to $2288 real quick! "
WTF! That's a double f*ck, a double kill for someone who has no regular job like me. But he assures me that he can surely do something to make it lesser for us. But I'm sure the ending is that I will still spend as much as that because of those expensive drugs and sprays I have to get for my nose. Seriously, I don't know what to do right now.
 Left |  Right |
If only the pay were still the same as before, I wouldn't think twice about doing the surgery because, even if I'm jobless, I still have savings because of my side hustle. By the way, if you are curious what a nasal polyp looks like, here's a photo. Please excuse those who're eating right now, as it really looks gross. That's the size of mine right now. It is really big, which is why he suggests having surgery.
And I am not sure if I will ever come up with a decision, as it is really hard to make a decision. No one will support me, as my family has their own problems too, so I will shoulder it all. I am just thinking of getting a job while I still can and saving as much money as I can.
All I can do for now is rely on these to feel a little relief in my breathing. Although my voice really changes now, as if I have a big chunk of mucus on my nose, I have to bear with it for now. At least for the medicines, I only have to take them for the time being. As for the spray, I will never stop using it now, at the suggestion of my doctor and for my own comfort.
Though it is really expensive, I'd rather take this for now and do what I can to still enjoy my life. Life must go on, but so must the bills for my medication, so I really can't afford to feel down. I have no time to feel demotivated either, as I have to work hard for my medication. I know my life will not be as smooth as it was before, but I am still thankful that I'm alive.
Fighting self ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ. We got this!
Whew, sorry about this, guys. I just badly want to release all my frustration, as in, let it all out. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. I thought there was no more suffering when it came to sht, whatever this is called, a disease, an illness, or just whateverthefck but sh*t happened. But Lavarn, just fight, I will live no matter what.
Lead Image Edited in Canva.
