Image is edited using CANVA by yours truly
I have already mentioned in my intro blog that I have always been an art kid. I find joy and pride whenever I draw something. However, I do have a love-hate relationship with art. Pride, joy, and disappointment are so deeply intertwined that they result in frustration and self-doubt about me being an artist. The first time I had such great disappointment with my skills, if my memory serves me right, was when I was in the second grade; I remember being so upset for a whole week because my teacher chose another kid for the “Best in Art” award. You might think that I’m just being petty, trust me, I do too, hahaha, but thinking about it now, it was funny because even though I was flaunting this talent at every chance I could get, my teachers would only praise me for it, but never gave me opportunities to show the school, the district, or the division (if you are a contesera in Philippine public schools, you’ll get what I meant here) what I can do. I was never a contender for poster-making contests and slogan-making contests—although, to be fair, it was because I’m always a candidate for quiz bees. But still, it affects me in some ways—like seeking validation in my talent, for example.
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When I was in high school, I was blessed and grateful that I finally found my people—my friends are all artists, would you believe that? Although we have different mediums (some are pencil artists, some use oil pastels and acrylics), and we have other subjects (people, landscapes, etc.), we were bounded by the stroke of the brush as we painted designs for stage decorations for our school’s events. It was such a fun moment, and moments like this are a slippery slope to a rabbit hole called art-- once you enter, there’s no turning back. I then continued my deep love for art as it fascinated me more, and I decided to pursue it more. That’s when I decided to try digital painting. And would you believe me that I only used Microsoft Paint and a mouse to draw back then? Seriously, I was a much better warrior compared to my current status.
Image is edited using CANVA
Image is edited using CANVA
However, just like what they said about comparison being a thief of joy, I’ve also fallen to its tricks as I watched my friends improve on their crafts. I found myself comparing works with theirs, and of course, when you are at the shorter end of the stick, it’s only natural that you will be disappointed and sad—at least, that’s what my younger self thinks. My parents back then weren’t openly supportive of my pursuits as art is an expensive hobby, so I didn’t really think of developing my talents as I only saw this as a mere hobby, and I thought that maybe I was not good enough like the others. And, oh boy, did I regret and hate that mentality. They say that to create a genius, you need only one percent talent and ninety-nine percent hard work and dedication. To me, however, I have only been relying on my talent alone and forgot to forge my foundation, so here I am, a 22-year-old artist who still struggles with anatomy.
The pandemic gave me time to reflect on my views and relationship with art. After finding the comparison as something ridiculous, I vowed to hone my skills. However, there’s a much bigger issue— art supplies are getting pricier. Off to digital arts, then! Heaven knows how much Ibispaint X and Clip Studio Paint saved me when I was thinking of giving up this talent. When I was 18, my parents surprised me with a graphic tablet (it didn’t have a display board, but it was more than enough), which I was really grateful to them, and since then, they supported me in this field. I did see improvements in my skills; however, here’s a little red flag to myself: I easily gave up when my expectations met reality. When that happens, I get disappointed and sad, prompting me to go on hiatus. Then, I get inspired to paint again, and the cycle continues.
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Fast forward to college, my love for art remained, but my confidence in it wavered. Entering a new environment, I learned the mistakes I made during grade school and kept my artistic side under wraps, unsure if it would earn admiration or indifference. However, life has a funny way of bringing out what you hide. During our first semester as freshmen, we were tasked to present a poster, and even though I am no longer confident in myself, my pride as an artist will never be erased. What else would I do if I did not make art? Some of my high school friends also attend the same state university I’m in, and they invited me to join the campus Arts Club, which I accepted. It didn’t take long for my classmates to discover my “hidden” talent. Compliments poured in, and I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed. Although I appreciated their kind words, I couldn’t shake off the nagging thought: Was I really as good as they said, or were they just being nice? That was the moment I decided to push myself a little further and told them that I would gladly draw them as they inspired me to continue.
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That brings me back to the gift I prepared for the Acquaintance Party, a fruit of my labor and promise—a promise that, quite frankly, I underestimated. Drawing portraits is no easy feat; it takes time, effort, and a level of patience that I wasn’t entirely sure I possessed. Yet the thought of finally fulfilling that promise kept me going, and it actually took three whole years (I told you I’m slow at things like this). The day of the party, October 18th, finally arrived.
Portraits of my classmates in digital art style made by yours truly
Portraits of my classmates in digital art style made by yours truly
As I handed out the digital fan art one by one, the reactions of my classmates and friends made all of the effort worth it. As their eyes lit up with surprise and gratitude, I also felt proud of my work—not because it was perfect, but because it carried meaning and learning, especially since I’m self-taught.
I always fulfill promises, and thank goodness they loved it.
Personally, art has always been an outlet, an escape, where I can freely express emotions and process thoughts when writing or saying it becomes hard for me. This is my way of connecting with others and sharing a piece of myself in a form that is both personal and universal. Art has also been my teacher, and each lesson is a humbling experience. While I’ve had my fair share of struggles with self-doubt and comparison when making one, moments like these remind me that art is not about being the best; it’s about creating something that resonates. Indeed, growth doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a series of small steps, each one building on the last. After all, I'm still a work in progress.
Practice doesn't make you perfect, but it will give you progress! (This is an art of my OC over the years.)
As I wrap up this blog, I hope that this story inspires you. Always remember to keep on going. Embrace the journey and trust the process. Also, do not forget to celebrate small progress, and most importantly, find joy in everything that you do.