So, in my D&D game, one of our players ended up accidentally capturing an imp in his backpack. They've managed to keep it in there, and have spent the last several sessions talking to it, feeding it booze and snacks, and generally attempting to befriend it.
The player in question is an Arcane Trickster Rogue, and as they had reached level 4 in our prior session, they got the option to take a Feat. Naturally, the Arcane Trickster decided he was going to snag... Magic Initiate? I think? The one which allows you to grab Find Familiar as a spell.
Anyhow, I'm fully on board with this the second they mention it because I can tell even before they ask where the idea is headed: bonding the Imp. There is a Pact of the Tome Warlock subclass that gets to do this, so despite it not being a traditionally accepted Familiar... I love that they're interested in doing it so I said "Absolutely! But, there's a condition. This isn't a normal familiar, so it needs a Contract", which the player agreed to.
So, with that background... I have finally finished writing up John The Backpack Imp's Contract:
[[John the Backpack Imp]] offers the following contract to [[Peril]]:
The Infernal Pact of Familiarity
Drafted by: Blixxik, Imp of the Lower Realms, also known as John.
Witnessed by: The Burning Cinders of Avernus
To the Mortal Who Seeks Unusual Companionship,
Oh, how delightful! A mortal such as yourself, yearning for power, secrets, and—dare I say—proper companionship, comes knocking upon the gates of Infernal Providence. You seek a familiar, one to serve you and aid you on your daring escapades, yes? Well then! Please allow me to introduce myself: I am Blixxik, humble imp and most excellent companion to those of discerning taste. I hereby present to you the most marvellous opportunity.
Should you accept this agreement and sign in your most delectable blood (or something else suitably personal, if you prefer), I will become your familiar. Together, we will venture forth on exciting and questionable escapades—as long as they align with my interests, of course.
Article I: The Nature of the Bargain
Upon signing this contract, I, Blixxik, will bind myself to you as your loyal familiar. You will gain my aid with magic, information, and my own unique brand of mischief, while fulfilling my role as your ever-watchful companion. In return, you agree to uphold the terms of this agreement and ensure I am well-treated according to the benefits I am owed.
Article II: The Terms of Familiar Service
Magical Assistance:
I will lend my infernal talents to assist you in ways most mortals can only dream of. As such, you may call upon me to:
- Cast Detect Magic once per day, should you need to uncover hidden arcane secrets.
- Cast Thaumaturgy three times per day to add a little flair and flourish to your gestures.
- Cast Disguise Self once per day, should you desire a change of face (as long as it’s not too demonic, of course).
- Provide guidance in other infernal arts (I am excellent with fire, trickery, and manipulation). These aren't spells I will cast, but knowledge I can share when appropriate.
Mischief and Knowledge:
As a creature of the Hells, I come with extensive knowledge of the wicked ways of the world. While I do not enjoy being bored, I do relish in the sharing of secrets and underhanded schemes. You may rely on me to provide advice on matters of deception, trickery, heist-planning, and even the occasional fiendish gossip.
However, I must remind you that such advice will come with a twist. All things come with a price. Don’t worry, though—I’m very reasonable. The consequences of my counsel may be… humorous (at least to one of us), but rarely fatal*. Unless, of course, that is your wish. Ha ha, kidding, of course.
* Blixxik does his best to ensure that no contract is ended through his hijinks. Humanoids, however, can be unpredictable. Do you have any allergies?
Companionship:
I will be your constant companion, both in mind and body, ready to provide entertainment, guidance, or a well-timed laugh. You’ll never be alone when I’m around (whether you want me around or not).
You may also communicate with me telepathically over any distance, provided we are both on the same plane of existence, of course. That’s an important clause. If I am in the Hells or stashed away in a pocket-plane, I will not be able to communicate with you.
Article III: Your Obligations
Provision and Comfort:
In exchange for my delightful service, you shall provide me with what I deem appropriate sustenance, which may include, but is not limited to:
- A proper resting space (comfortable, but nothing too elaborate. I've become somewhat partial to this backpack truth be told*).
- * Should another being of the Hells ever ask, it is actually a pocket-mansion, and if you claim otherwise I will be quite cross. I have an image to uphold.
- Occasional tidbits of tasty mortal food, especially if it’s spicy. I have a soft spot for chilli peppers and that spicy water your kind makes. Booze I believe you call it. Keep that coming!
- Small trinkets, treasures, or other items of arcane curiosity. Occasionally I may request one if it has been too long between gifts.
Fulfilling My Desires:
While I will certainly provide services to you, I will also expect to fulfill certain… needs of my own. Perhaps I will ask for something small, such as a shiny bauble (as codified above) or, a particularly unfortunate soul (don’t worry, I’m very discrete about these things).
I may also, on occasion, require you to participate in certain chaotic schemes on my behalf. These may involve pranks, minor sabotage, or the occasional mischievous trick. But you’ll love it! Really. I promise.
Recompense for Failure:
Should you break the terms of this pact—or worse, attempt to banish me to prevent me from fulfilling my other duties as a devil of the Hells—be aware: my departure will be most dramatic. Oh, and while you’re most welcome to attempt to rid yourself of me (you’ll need a bit more than an exorcism, though), be advised: such actions will cost you dearly in ways you cannot imagine.
Article IV: Binding Terms
Unbreakable Pact:
This contract is binding and cannot be undone through normal mortal means. Once signed, we are inextricably linked. You may be rid of me temporarily if I am destroyed (don't let me be destroyed, I hate it), or if I must be dismissed to the Hells, but I shall always return—after all, you need me, don’t you?
Your Soul (The Fine Print):
Should you attempt to dismiss me without cause, or fail in your obligations, your soul will be forfeited to the Infernal Court upon your demise. You will meet a fiery end. You will serve on the Ever-Burning Battlefield. You will be returned, as many times as needed in our fight against the Demon Lords.
But! Think of all the delightful ways you could use my assistance to get out of such situations! Why not sign, dear mortal, and avoid such trouble?
Article V: Rights and Responsibilities
Blixxik's Rights:
- I reserve the right to occasionally guide you toward decisions that are most advantageous for me. After all, a familiar’s got to look out for their own interests, right?
- I also reserve the right to demand your undivided attention when I need to express my considerable intellect. It can be quite exhausting holding all this knowledge in. You will listen, won’t you?
Your Rights:
- You retain the right to dismiss me temporarily, should you find yourself in need of personal space (but be warned, you’ll feel terribly lonely without me). *
- * Provided this does not interfere with my duties as a Devil
- You may command me to perform any task within reason (and some things outside of reason, as long as they don’t go against the laws of our Pact and I find it entertaining or at the very least not boring).
- You may speak to me freely (verbally or telepathically), but be mindful that I’m quite charming—and I may talk you into very interesting things.
Witnessed By:
Blixxik, Imp of the Lower Realms
(Most loyal servant and master of arcane mischief)
((You may still call me John. I will allow this, as you mortals are quaint creatures.))
The Mortal's Signature (In Blood, Ink, or a Suitable Personal Liquid):
[Signature Here]
May our union bring about delightful chaos, endless trickery, and a grand tale that will echo through the ages. Or, you know, until the next mortal signing.
P.S. It’s going to be so much fun.
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