My mum is so gullible; almost like every other mother, whatever I say, she believes! Got caught red-handed with weed on my pocket, said it was for research purposes and she believed it! Sometimes these things that I do to her overburdeneds me with immense guilt, yet the next day, I do it all over again!
A few years back, there was this quite popular show on one of a local cable channels hosted by a handsome kid who showed how you could travel to different Bangladeshi cities and do all that a BnB has to offer within a thousand BDT; more or less 10 bucks in USD. It was a fascinating show for my mum. Those days she would wait and make time for this one day of the week! While always laughingly taunting me by saying "be like that kid"!
পারলে এই ছেলের মত হয়ে দেখা! হাজার টাকা করে পাবি, যেখানে মন চায় ঘুরে আয়। কিন্তু শর্ত হল ঘরের পাখি দিন শেষে হলেই চট করে বাসায় চলে আসবি। আর ঘুরে ঘুরে ছবি তুলে আমাকে এনে দেখাবি!
And I would always get angry at her for no apparent reason at all. But I could see through her visage. It showed how me being a touring freak was in my blood. Underneath all those shenanigans, her longing too was to see the world. But being old has its cons, and so she wanted me to fill up that void deep in her heart.
In a random afternoon of 2019, while commuting back 30 kilos following an exhausting day of seminars and labs, one of my pals called asking if I fancied tagging along in this trip to the beaches and mountains. A heavenly combo pack nonetheless! The catch was that I only had four hours to pack and do whatever I need to do. At that moment, with an empty wallet, money was more concerning. But being the guy I am, I would never miss the call of the sea with my idiot friends, and so I agreed. And for the money, as usual, mum to the rescue.
-শুধু দুহাজার ই তো! আর স্যার খুব করে বললো। দাও না মা!
-তা তোর সব কাজ ই কি শেষ মুহূর্তে এসে ফাইনাল হয়?
-শুধু এবার ই তো! আর কবে হল এমন!
After a bit of more lying and emotional blackmailing, it had worked. I would have told her the truth, but deceit seemed less time-consuming. So I grabbed whatever I could, packed a bag and hit the road.
Shitakundo, La destination ultime, is a gritty place to get access to. At least it is if you want to go there by train. Because the only station it has is for freight trains or in Bengali lingo Mail Trains. Trains that stop there have a super long convoy of almost fifty compartments filled with goods yet only three at the very end for passengers! Usually, those remain silent, empty and quite comfortable. But if it were like that when I got on the train then I wouldn't be writing this unbearably lengthy piece now would I?
The train arrived two hours later than it was supposed to. And with it, the joy I had in my heart diminished tenfold. Haunted compartments, wet seats and almost next to no lights, at 10 pm in the night, we onboarded the vessel of doom. There was no designated seat assigned to the tickets. And so, the fight to the death for the seats we had to endure reminded me of the Wild Wild West! Yet, lady fate had many more tricks up her sleeve to make it an excruciatingly ironic night.
Along with the Eight of us, no less than 100 men wearing religious garbs and turbans had onboarded the compartment of fewer than forty seats. For the next few hours, it was like a game of dominion; who could reign over which portion.
We Bengalis, especially young kids, are no less rowdy than the typical Irish stereotypes. Except getting drunk at the most random of places, we do it all. We sing like mad crows, and we smoke like steam engines. So our way of ruling over the compartment was to be as loud as possible. A few fisticuffs accompanied by vulgar slurs, random singing and absurd comedic sessions later; we could see that the tide had turned. The air reeked of hatred towards us flowing from the side of the turban brotherhood. And the last nail in the coffin was when we denied somebody access to the toilet on our side. Rather we simply stated that it was not usable.
A random fisherman had thought it was better to put his fishing crates all over the toilet than letting others pee. I mean, who could argue with his logic! As tight of a recess the compartment was, where better to put the fish than in the bathroom! After all…
গন্ধে গন্ধ ঢাকে, শব্দ ঢাকে কিসে?- বোমকেশ বক্সি
So it had started! Warfare of slangs! Amidst the chaos, one of them stood up in a manner comparable to a public speaker and started pointing his finger at us. Along with the usual cussing, he stated how we were the ones, who ruined his chance to get laid the previous day! Soundest logic I've ever heard! And another guy sitting beside him too stated how we singing might've raised his dead father in their family cemetery!
হুজুর, আমিও একদিন চট্টগ্রাম বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ের পাবলিক বাসে উইঠেসিলাম। কি খারাপ এরা! তখনও সংগীত কইরেসিল জানেন! যেন একেকজন সনু নিগ্যাম, এ আর রহমান!
And then the wisest and the oldest of them arose. Telling us how we were what is wrong with this society!
তোমরা তাদেরকে উইঠতে দিলে না কেন? বানচোত!! (His words, not mine. if he can say that, it is only fair that I get to write about it!)
Then the calmest of our bunch got up to avoid a catastrophe and a start a reasonable discourse!
আপনি এভাবে কথা বলছেন কেন? ভদ্র ভাবে বলেন? আমরা সবাই তো শিক্ষিত এখানে!
What came after was something he couldn't foresee! The war cry of a screeching vulture shook him to his core! Along with countless bloodshot eyes seeking retribution :P
তোর কাস থেইকে ভদ্রতা শিখতে হবে আমারে? এহহ! ফাইযলেমির আর জায়গা পাও নাই!!
This made the wannabe alpha of our pack open his mouth. And what came out was a funky mix of Banglish gibberish that nobody besides us would understand. To avoid further bickering and the inevitable instance of we getting our asses spanked, we started hauling him away by his sleeves!
চুপ চুপ! ৮০ জন! আশিইই জন!! বস চুপ করে!!
We were the minority after all in this instance! We lost, and there was nothing left but to fake falling asleep, to let the bitter mountain goats in turbans soothe down for a bit. But sleep never came!
A restless 24 hours, longspun trekking and a rigid case of dehydration later, I got to realize what life is! It is as eternal as a sea and as grand as a mountain. It is what we make of it and it is how we look at it. After all...কাচ্চির যথার্থতা মুলো থেকে শুরু