Feel like you're on the road to Failure? Oh - you arrived in town last decade, you say? Howdy! It sure is crowded around here.
If you're speeding that way, you already know that the scenery sucks. It's always dark. There's nothing interesting to see. And there's the roadkill of crushed Dreams every eighth of a mile.
We're actually looking inward when we see this desolate roadway. And that's always been the most brutal place to look... Honestly, it's the last place we desire to look. Ironically, though, it's where all the answers are... Where the Answers have always been.
So, how did things go so terribly wrong? How did we get so screwed up? How were so many disastrous decisions made that led to this miserable, chaotic place?
The Simple Truth...?
Because we're Human. We're flawed by Design.
And those flaws are often revealed at the worst possible moments in our Lives.
We are naturally challenged by Life itself because - Life can be challenging. But it doesn't mean we're automatically destined for Failure. That Failure is somehow our default setting. Sometimes, you just take the wrong turn at Albuquerque.
Traveling the Road of Life inherently means we're going to pass through Failure often along our journey. But pausing there for too long is a costly mistake. What should be no more than a quick whiz at the rest stop leads some of us to piss away years of our Lives wandering around there.
You really ought to consider buying in a better neighborhood...
Life is a surprisingly big stretch of road, and Failure wasn't on our itinerary. Success City? Never heard of it, Friend. You can't get there from here.
Oh, the places you'll go!
The fast Road to Failure is an eight-lane, freshly-paved highway with massive tolls and zero electric charging stations. It's lined with Liquor stores, Pot Shops, drug dens, and shopping malls. Why don't you say we step on the gas and get out of here?
Next Exit: Ruin. Thanks a lot, Google Maps. (Pretty sure my Adsense account is getting canceled because of that last crack...)
What exactly IS Failure? Glad you asked.
Failure is a message. Failure is data. It's a piece of the puzzle, but it's not the entire picture on the box.
One of the Keys to overcoming Failure is to pause and listen to the message our Failures are trying to deliver. And it's not the bitter news we've constantly been reading into it.
Failure is attempting to tell us: This isn't working. Take the wheel. It's Time to change course. Either by a little or by a lot.
Where we often get stuck, however, is when we focus on Failure itself. When we equate a result - Failure - with our character. When we confuse Failure, which is temporary, with our Potential, which is nearly limitless.
Instead of listening to and considering the vital knowledge Failure attempts to express to us - and then move on? We internalize the thoughts and emotions that Failure awakens within us. Shame and Humiliation. That's about when Self-Doubt moves in. And you thought your In-Laws were dreadful...?
We equate Failure with Defeat.
This is where we go tragically wrong.
Failure is information. Moreover, Failure is a critical component in actually achieving Success, not its enemy.
The more ways I can discover not to achieve something, the closer I probably am to actually accomplishing it. And I must be damn close by now... Criminy!
In the Tech World, they call it iteration: a means of obtaining successively closer approximations to the solution of a problem. Translation: making mistakes until you get it right.
And... Not giving a damn what anybody else thinks while we're figuring things out. More on this in a minute...
Let's get back to making mistakes. Finally, something I'm knowledgeable about...
The Process of Elimination.
Trial and error. Hit and miss. Research and development. All synonyms for iteration. Each of these time-tested phrases speaks to one ordinary yet magnificent conclusion: you have to keep trying to become successful finally.
You're welcome. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
But seriously. We all comprehend this. It makes sense. It's elemental. We have freaking Nursery Rhymes about this stuff. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
So? Why don't we?
There are three reasons I can think of without really trying, and they both lead us down the Road to Failure:
- We're not thinking critically about our situation;
- Other People's Opinions. (OPO.)
- Self-Doubt.
We're not thinking critically about our situation.
Critical thinking is hard. So hard that many in the academic community don't believe it can even be taught! With that said, it doesn't mean that you can't leverage the elements of critical thinking to make better assumptions about a problem or obstacle.
Rather than get into the weeds about how to be a critical thinker (you can do that here:
Critical Thinking by Diane F. Halpern, PhD.) I'm going to stick to the attitudes one needs to be a satisfactory critical thinker. And Cry Baby isn't one of them...
- Willingness to engage in and persist at a complex task
- Habitual use of plans and the suppression of impulsive activity
- Flexibility or open-mindedness
- Willingness to abandon nonproductive strategies in an attempt to self-correct
- An awareness of the social realities that need to be overcome (such as the need to seek consensus or compromise) so that thoughts can become actions.
A willingness to engage in and persist at a complex task. Read: This will be hard, and I'm OK with that. You'd be wise to admit, too, that it's likely that your path will be met with frustration, confusion, and at times, feel ultimately unrewarding. Have a kid, and you'll get the complete picture.
But... Stick with it. Sign up. Show up. And Put up.
Habitual use of plans and the suppression of impulsive activity. Well, I'm screwed.
If you're going to accomplish anything in Life beyond routine things, it will require Commitment.
Now before you close your browser window and go back to watching Squid Games, hang on a second. Commitment doesn't mean giving up sleep, sex, HBOMax, and ice cream. It means that you'll at least commit yourself to work at something to some helpful extent over the long haul.
Heck, you could be a writer if you dedicated even just five minutes a day to your craft. I'd recommend sticking to Haiku if that's the case, but you get what I mean. Any minuscule devotion of Time towards your goal each day will advance the needle. Can you spare your Dream five minutes each day towards its realization?
The Power of Compound Interest works the same way in the Success game as it does in finance. If you regularly invest in yourself, your value will steadily grow over Time.
Flexibility or open-mindedness. This is such an underrated skill.
I've seen some brilliant people run aground because they couldn't let go of some preconceived notion of How Things Are Supposed To Be. Or, they floundered because they couldn't comprehend how their employed process might somehow be flawed. It wasn't because they couldn't understand. It's because they refused to. The ole Confirmation Bias is always hard at work.
I'll add my take on this point. I think it's a lack of creativity, as well. We've become so used to "Googling it" that our minds have atrophied in some way. When 'How to make pancakes' is the seventh most googled set of instructions, we have a serious problem.
Willingness to abandon nonproductive strategies in an attempt to self-correct. If only I could...
This is an extension of the previous bullets. And it goes back to my original point: iteration is necessary and expected. Often, we approach a problem with a solution that we're expecting to work. And when it doesn't? Holy Hell, we're frustrated!
What to do? Oh, I know! I'll try the same approach again 74 more times! And then? I quit.
How about this potential solution? Try something else.
Failure is information. Moreover, Failure is a critical component in achieving Success, not its enemy.
A brief recap of what we've covered so far: This is hard. Keep at it. Be creative. Iterate.
Everyone's signed? Good. On we go!
An awareness of the social realities that need to be overcome. This one is my favorite! And it relates to my second reason for how we frequently on-ramp onto the Road to Failure.
Other People's Opinions. (OPO.)
I think Dr. Halpern refers to the need for consensus and compromise with others when working towards solutions. Not to mention politics, biases, competing resources etc., etc. This is true. It would be a hell of a lot easier to get things done if it wasn't for all those other people around here...
When it comes to pursuing your personal goals, dreams, and self-actualization, social realities take on a new hue.
What will other people say about what you're doing? I mean, who the hell do you think you are, anyway?
Haters will be haters, sure. But it still stings. But then again, these cynics are not the people who count. So why are you counting on them by entertaining their unsolicited feedback?
Let's take a slightly more (but not much) analytical look at OPO, though. What do other people's opinions frankly contribute toward or detract from achieving your project, goal, aspirations, or business? Is there any actual material impact?
Crickets.
Nope. At best, OPO can add a little enthusiasm to your soul. At worst, they feed into your feelings of Self-Doubt. But what do either of these have to do with anything? Neither is going to factor into your eventual Success or Failure. Unless you let them.
Your Mom applauded all of the concerts you gave in the Living Room when you were 9 years old, but you're still not Britney, bitch. Encouragement feels good, but the lasting impact is negligible.
So, too, is the skepticism heaped at you by the Doubters. It doesn't feel good. But I can't buy an Iced Latte with feelings, let alone use emotions as a rational data point. Skip the feelings. And skip the Caramel Drizzle, too. Too much sugar, man.
What does anybody know about what might bring you Happiness?
What does anybody else know what you're supposed to do with your Life?
And what the hell does anybody else know about what you're capable of achieving?
It's all you, babe.
Self-Doubt.
And, of course, the Road to Failure would not be complete without a word from our sponsor, Self-Doubt.
We equate Failure to Defeat. But these are wildly different animals in our Emotional Kingdom.
Failure is information. Defeat is a decision.
Stop conflating the two.
That didn't work is not the same as I don't work. Failure is a necessary pitstop on the way to Success. Defeat is a decision to stop trying. An absence of Hope.
And there's always Hope, Friends.
The fear of Failure fuels self-Doubt. But if Failure is both necessary and expected in achieving eventual Success, what is there to fear?
What you ought to be afraid of is the empty, blank stare of a Life unlived. That ought to scare the hell out of you, Friends.
Hope for your Dreams.
Let's find your Purpose.
Let's Plan our trip to Success.
How about a nice, hot cup of Action to get things going?
It's your Life. It's your Time. So let's get started - Right Now.
Cheers! And Happy New Year!!
More on Purpose, Passion,
and Positivity: Practicing Positive.com
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