There's something about bearing grudges and how it affects badly the offended than it does the offender. From the burning sensation and the heavy weight in the chest, the many creases on the forehead caused by tightening the face in a frown, the bitter taste in the mouth, to the pain in the heart.
UnsplashWhen I was very much younger, I had some doses of this feeling. In times of a brawl, you'd never catch me quarreling nor fighting dirty. Nah. I wasn't cut out for that. But bearing grudge against my offender, I did that quite well.
Being on the very quiet side, and thinking about all of it now, I was that way because I couldn't and didn't know how best to express my hurt. Sucking it all up was my best approach. And I'd go along with they grudge so long I could barely recall the reason behind the animosity. I had this habit going on so long, the energy I gave out was so bad for someone so young. I was too into it i could address issues no other way. And it hurt so bad. Not my offender. It hurt me.
And when I realized I was moving so bad and headed for a deep dark hole, when I realized and accepted within myself that I had a problem, that was the beginning of my freedom. Yes, freedom. It took a while for a fix and in that process, I felt all of the weight so much weight be lifted off me. I felt like my breathing got easier. Like my air tubes got loosened to let fresh air come through. That was one big gift I gave myself.
On this bus today, the song "FORGIVE" by Nigerian singer CHIKE came on air and had me going back in time. I cringed recalling how gross my behaviour was. It nauseated me thinking of what I'd have become if I didn't change. Phew!
In the song,, FORGIVE, the artiste addresses the theme from the angle of love and failed relationship, still, the lessons aren't limited to that
The line;
"Please forgive o. Ònye jị madu jị onwe ya"
Written in the Igbo language, which translates in English as ,
"Please forgive. Whoever holds grudge against another, holds himself too" is the summary of it all. And it's the absolute truth. No less.
Source is YouTube
Unforgiveness rubs one of peace and sleep. It occupies the mind so much one can barely think of life ahead and live happily. So gravely does it poison the thoughts. It's too much a baggage, anyone who carries it drowns. Forgiving isn't so easy, no doubt, but it's cheaper, it's better and importantly, it's for one's own sake. If anyone loves himself so much and priorities his wellbeing and sanity, then he'd not think twice before he Forgives for his sake.
I felt every line of this song. And I can't think of living life any other way.
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Greetings!