Local Resident Gets Tattoo of Own Vest

(Maple Ridge, BC) Area man Brett Lipton recently achieved what so many of us haven't ever even dreamed of:

A complete chest and back piece, celebrating his well worn battle vest.

"I haven't actually ever got a tattoo, or really seriously thought about one.... but fuck I keep forgetting my vest everywhere and this seems like, well you couldn't lose it, eh?", says a visibly uncomfortable Lipson minutes after walking out of the tattoo parlor.

_{Flex Brody prepares to execute the stupidest tattoo ever on Bart Lipston in Maple Ridge. (photo: self)}

Burt's vest, featuring patches from such iconic punk rock luminaries as Rancid, The Clash and Avril Lavigne is also adorned in spikes and studs and a multitude of band logo pins.

Flex Brody of Flex Tattoo & Homebrew took the initial call, and while skeptical at first; "he just kept asking and asking. I mean I told him it would hurt. I told him it would look shitty. I told him it would cost at least a hundred bucks. And it did."

Brant was only able to pay for the outline and a little shading around the button holes, but seems very happy with his decision:

"It was everything he said it would be. And I really, really think I love it." Clapping his hands he added, "Next up! Buttons!"

No word yet on the final cost after tax, but Brad is already thinking very hard about what patches to get inked on a vest with so long an expected life -- nearly 20 years as opposed to the five to seven year expectancy of a typical vest. "I think the first one will be Offspring, or Pennywise, maybe Blink 182. I used to love those bands as a kid, and even though my vest is mostly all patches of local bands, what if I die in a foreign country or something? There's a war on right?" Adding "Yeah my name is Brent by the way, not Brett or Bart or whatever".

Asked if he had any regrets? Bort replies: "I should have got the spikes later, that REALLY hurt, and it looks kinda stupid with just two of them for now."

Giant Head Piercings Appear

Combining the pain of both a forehead tattoo and back-of-neck tattoo with the flamboyance of a mohawk, punks are going crazy about giant front-to-back head piercings. These 5 to 15 pound punkstrosities are appearing all over the world despite a nearly 89% buyer fatality rate. (Full Story Page 5)