One of the worst thing in this life is to be surrounded by people that will not tell you the truth about yourself and what you do, they don’t want to hurt you with their comment, they think they are doing you good but in the right sense they are actually doing you bad.
They give you suitable and comfortable comment and leaving the truth. Sometimes you need people who will keep telling you the hard truth even though it will be painful, but most times when people around us keep telling us the hard truth, we think they are haters, enemies and some people even go to the extent of disconnecting themselves from those people.
We now prefer flattering words or comment about our playing than hearing the hard truth about our playing. Flatter means to give compliment that are not really the truth but just to suit and comfort the person.
Growing up as a drummer I didn’t get much of sweet comment, everyone around always tell me the plain the truth about my playing, my family members not excluded also. At a point I thought everyone just hated me but as I grew musically I discovered that them telling me the truth about my playing contributed to my improvement and that is why I am writing this to inspire someone today.
Years ago some of my friends came to my lodge in school after we were done with the lecture for the day. So when they came to my side they knew I was not a good cook but they insisted I cook for them anyhow so I did some concoction rice and beans (palm oil rice and beans).
So I served the food on a dish that will be enough to permit us all to eat in one single dish, we ate and ate then I asked the curious question which was, “HOW DID YOU GUYS SEE THE FOOD?”
Two of my friends that moment said the food was too pepperish but it was still ok, but there is this my friend that was praising and exalting me that the food was super good.
After plenty month when I have even long forgotten about the food I cooked, I was alone gisting with that friend of mine that didn’t give negative comment about the food I cooked. One thing led to another then he started making mockery of the food I cooked past month, his negative comment that day was too much and the annoying part was that he was doing that kind of mockery laugh that you see in Hollywood movies.
I felt very bad, not because of he said something negative about the cooking, the real reason I felt bad was that he shouldn’t have lied the day I asked the question “HOW DID YOU GUYS SEE THE FOOD?.” If he had said what he said the day I cooked the food I wouldn’t have felt bad, rather I would have felt I still need more work to do on my cooking but him using that has a point of mockery to me in the future was the annoying part.
Well when he was mocking the cooking I didn’t display I was angry though but I was angry in true sense.
Some night ago I was telling one of my friend that ate the food I cooked that day who didn’t give me accolades for the food I cook that: “I didn’t feel bad for the negative comment he gave",
I felt happy he didn't give me accolade. His comment rather was just the truth. 99% of people want to always be the good friend and don’t want to fall under the categories of those they call the bad friend, but sometimes on our quest of being the good friend we end up being the bad friend.
You know your friend is doing the wrong thing but you keep encouraging him to do it because you feel friends are meant to support each other idea, you know your friend is a bad singer or instrumentalist but on your quest of being a good friend you keep telling that your friend that he/she is good in singing instead of telling them the truth that they need to improve, you are nothing but a bad friend.
“Fear a friend that will always praise you that you are good drummer when deep down you know you are not even close to becoming a good drummer.”
But today if a friend of yours who for example sings badly and you tell them they are a bad singer that they need to Improve, they see you as the bad person and they see the person that always tell them they are doing well in singing as the good person. It is only someone that really have you at heart that will always tell you the truth about yourself, if you are bad in a particular craft they will tell you plainly instead of deceiving you to believe that you are good.
It high time we start embracing negative comment, negative comment about our skills are not meant to discourage you, it is rather meant to;
- Prepare your mind to want to learn
- Inquisitive to learn
- Un-relentless for improvement
I have made some observations about we drummers, the majority of us that get much of flattering comment are the female drummers. In Nigeria, we have a lot of female drummers but not all are really good to the extent they should, why? I will tell why.
Whenever anyone in Nigeria sees a lady playing the drums they are amazed and intrigued that a lady is playing the drums so even though the lady still needs to work on herself, the public will neglect that and focus more on “wow, I’m impressed, you are good, you are doing well, you are doing what men are doing, what a man can do a woman can do better”. Because the public doesn’t want a female drummer to be discourage they always find sweet compliment to render on them and that has made female drummers have low pressure for improvement unlike guys.
When a guy is still growing as a drummer, there is a whole lot of pressure from people to him which makes them work harder. If you are a female drummer in this world, any little thing you do on drums people will want to watch it, even if it is trash.
Guys will sit down to create cool chops that will blow your mind in their video, some people will just watch the video, and put like on the post without comment and shout out loud to any one that cares to hear that "the drummer is not disciplined", but a female drummer plays a chops that is still shaking and not strong, it's comes off and on, on the timing her groove is not too tight, immediately they watch it, this same people will be too quick to press the love reaction button, and make a wonderful comment and then shout out loud to anyone that cares to listen that "they love seeing ladies doing what men are doing".
There was a time in a drum group chat on WhatsApp, a drum video of a lady was posted and they were accolades from everyone, when I watched the video I saw a lot of flaws, I wanted to give accolade but my conscience didn’t let me just pass, I made a truth statement but guess what, I was attacked by everyone in the group.
It takes a lady who is focus and not always deceived by flattering comment to be able give herself that pressure to improve. It is not enough just being a female drummer, being a good female drummer is blue print so focus on improving and ignore the flattering comment.
You cannot escape those flattering comment as a female drummer. Female drummers are the most flattered drummer.