first and foremost, i'm sorry for the heinous vocals.
love is such an interesting experience. with the many stages of it, it’s no surprise they all feel so different and powerful. it’s difficult to have perspective on a situation when you’re enveloped in it, but sometimes perspective is all you need to give yourself clarity.
i’m 24 years old, and a somewhat inexperienced lover. i’ve had relationships of sorts with women and had some fun in them too, but nothing ever really serious and things have never really lasted more than 6 months or so.
this is arguably one of the best most simply written songs to describe what a heart break actually feels like, specifically for a young man (i can’t speak to the experiences of other sexes). here, neil talks about what it’s like to be a young “lover”. someone who is out looking for a good time and cannot settle down and commit to someone. while it’s fun to play games, ultimately he feels alone by the lack of “love” in his life. i think that’s a relatable feelings for a lot of people. while we try to fill voids in our lives with physical connections, the emotional ones are really what we’re seeking as they provide the warmth long after the person leaves your side. so in order to do that, it’s necessary to go out and truly fall in love, because hooking up with women for the sake of it doesn’t actually help the heart to grow.
the chorus sums up perfectly why we are all searching for that special someone, and the lengths we will go to sometimes find out that the person you are with is not the one. ultimately you won’t always know, which is why you “try to be sure right from the start” to avoid your world falling apart when your heart is broken because you’ve fallen in love with the wrong woman. “yes, only love can break your heart” is a gentle and sobering reminder that what you’ve felt was in fact love, as even when you’re feeling it it’s hard to know. but that pain in your chest where you find yourself thinking about this person long after they’ve left sure is indicative of a heartbreak.
the next verse where neil talks about a friend really is resonating with me today. for a long time of listening to this song i had just assumed his friend was another person, but upon listening to it this morning i have a new perspective. his friend is his own ego. when you experience a heart break your life can often feel as though it’s in shambles. the pieces that once made sense are now a mystery and you no longer feel like doing the things you once did. neil’s ego is hiding in dreams; dreams of love, dreams of romance, dreams of alternate realities where his heart is not broken. in reality, a heart break is really just a bruised ego that needs repairing. our egos are all so fragile and when you build your world around someone you care about you begin to give a part of yourself up. you expose your ego and your partner has a mainline into it. at a moments notice, they can cut that off and it just hurts so badly for a while until it heals. you’ve gotta lose the down that you’ve found.
it’s said that neil young wrote this song for his friend graham nash after his split with joni mitchell, and it’s really amazing to understand that someone could si prolifically write a song for a friend to help them make sense of what they’re feeling. you’d have to imagine yourself that he in fact had experienced his own heartbreak that gave way for his inspiration.
i think the most important takeaway from this song though is, that a heartbreak will always heal. it may feel awful today, but as fragile as our egos are, they will heal. the ego itself is conditioned to be hurt when things like this happen, and our brains try to trick us into thinking that our egos are ourselves, but in reality it’s just a manifestation of the expectations and feelings we’re conditioned to believe.
only love can break your heart - neil young
when you were young
and on your own
how did it feel to be alone
i was always thinking of games
that i was playing
trying to make the best of my time
but only love can break your heart
try to be sure right from the start
yes, only love can break your heart
what if your world should fall apart
i have a friend i've never seen
he hides his head inside a dream
someone should call him and see
if he can come out
trying to lose the down that he's found
but only love can break your heart
try to be sure right from the start
yes, only love can break your heart
what if your world should fall apart
i have a friend i've never seen
he hides his head inside a dream
yes, only love can break your heart
yes, only love can break your heart
yes, only love can break your heart
yes, only love can break your heart
yes, only love can break your heart
▶️ 3Speak