Another week and another #KISS blogging idea from The Minimalist community hosted by @millycf1976. We are given three options to choose from, and I think all of them are closely related.
I took my time picking the right option. I wrote about my mental struggles in my previous post: The Minimalist Lifestyle | How I Incorporate Minimalism In My Day to Day Life - A Peek Inside My Daily Routine, so I am not going to write about that.
Option 2 is a bit complicated to answer, so I chose the first option. I thought long and hard about the best way to approach this question. As a non-native English speaker, I am not eloquent in voicing my thoughts, so I avoid writing a post full of bombastic words but lacks substance. I figured the best way to answer this question is to "show" what is being asked in three different areas:
- the way I see myself
- the way I see people around me
- the way I see the world at large
I have to risk oversharing myself, but there is no way I can answer all these without being authentic. Hive is, after all, a place to share original content, and nothing is more original than talking about the thing I know best: me 😆
❤️ The Way I See Myself ❤️
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. ~ Oscar Wilde
Living as a people pleaser my whole life, this is a big thing. I shared a bit about this struggle in one of my past posts. As a very insecure person, I lived my life wanting to be accepted by everyone, and that caused me to make choices that did not align with my real values. It wasn't just how I dressed but how I looked and carried myself in social functions. I must behave according to my age or my marital status. While I agree there are boundaries I shouldn't cross, living that way creates a deep fear of rejection if I do not comply with societal standards.
It continued for many years, and I felt edgy with frustrations and anxiety. Years of living with little ones at home also took a toll on my self-identity. I always identified myself as a mother and nothing else. Even my social media avatars had pictures of the kids and me, I was rarely on my own. My kids and I were one inseparable entity.
When I decided to embrace authenticity and vulnerability, things started to change. I began to question myself: how long do I need to live the way I did, unhappy, disconnected, and feeling unheard? Who am I apart from my children? I realized that I had let myself go for many years, I didn't even know myself anymore! I need to fight for my identity, get out of my imaginary prison, embrace authenticity, and face the world as the real me.
The biggest part of my metamorphosis is learning the magic of drawing boundaries and self-acceptance. I learned not to make the opinions of others the basis of my self-worth. I am worth so much more than what people think of me.
I see the value of being a minimalist and making a conscious decision to present myself as I really am with my strengths and weaknesses. Come as you are, they say. Be authentic. Be you.
While I love my kids so much, we are not the same entity. We are our own individuality. I am a mother, yes, but there are so much more to me. As for the avatar, I vowed to never include anyone else in the picture, not even my husband or children. It is just me now.
❤️ The Way I See People Around Me ❤️
Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. Let them go so you can grow. – DLQ
Relationships are supposed to make you feel good. Relationships are NOT supposed to make you feel bad. Or guilty, insecure, ashamed, paranoid, or hopeless. Good. So when a relationship makes you feel bad, guilty, insecure, ashamed, paranoid, or hopeless, end it.” – Laura Bowers
It is natural for us to build relationships out of convenience, see, we need people in our lives. But how valuable are these relationships? Some relationships are more valuable than others and are often reserved for family members or our closest friends. But some relationships just exist for the sake of existing without real values derived from those connections. And some relationships are just plain toxic, continually draining us of our mental, physical, and emotional energy. And I had quite a number of those in the past.
It is never easy to end any relationship, especially if that person has been in our life for many years or was involved in some pivotal moments. I ended one such relationship last year, which was tough but necessary. It took me months to muster the courage to tell her the truth that she had been draining me emotionally for the past few years with her constant neediness. With the continuous demand of taking care of my family, I just don't have the extra energy to cater to someone else's needs. I felt very guilty for letting her down, but I realized that I had to build a boundary in our interactions, or she would keep using me for her own gain. I owe it to myself to speak up my mind and grow a spine.
And there is another kind of toxic friend who always thinks they are above you, always criticizing and being generally condescending in their attitude towards you. Oh, I have such a friend, and boy, it took me years to deal with that one. See, being a people pleaser, it was extremely hard to speak up and tell people off. I feel terribly ashamed for being such a person, but I can't change my past. Still, I am grateful for the painful lessons I learned from those relationships, and I vowed not to repeat the same mistake again.
And these days, I just take care of the relationships that are truly valuable to me. I keep my circle of friends small too. I gained tremendous peace by letting go of my toxic trait of wanting to please others for acceptance. See those people in the picture below? Those are some of the people I truly value in life - my immediate family, in-laws, and closest friends. I don't need to be friends with everyone, and that is okay. I am content with these lovely people I already have in my life.
❤️ The Way I See The World At Large ❤️
It is possible to become discouraged about the injustice we see everywhere. But God did not promise us that the world would be humane and just. He gives us the gift of life and allows us to choose the way we will use our limited time on earth. ~ Cesar Chavez
The world is a very interesting place. You can be whoever you want to be. You can choose whatever path in life resonates the best with your talents and abilities. You can be with whoever you want to be with. You can even change your gender. And let's not talk about the kinds of knowledge that anyone can learn. And the field or vocation anyone can pursue. There are just endless options and possibilities. We are free to choose whatever is best for us. The world is your oyster.
But how do I filter out all these things and only allow what is truly necessary for my life? Let me give you an example. I had FOMO syndrome. I love to read the news every day; entertainment, politics, economics, social issues etc. And I easily get riled up when something doesn't align with my values. And when that happens, I get upset and start to rant or sometimes write a lengthy diatribe on Facebook to voice my dissatisfaction. But the question is, what do I gain from doing that? Nothing. I am not adding any value to my or anyone else's life. I am just venting out for the sake of venting out. Will it change the issue? Nope.
See what I am trying to say?
By practicing minimalism, I can choose from the vast array of options the world has to offer what truly matters to me.
- I can decide the kind of information that I need to know. I don't have to know everything.
- I don't have to be involved in everything.
- I don't have to be a slave to trends or pop culture.
By eliminating the fluff, I am free from FOMO syndrome and stay content with what I value the most, like pursuing art (among others). I might not be a famous artist but really, who cares? Art is my vocation, and it doesn't matter if I am not well-known. I am happy and grateful for the opportunities it has offered me throughout the years. See that picture below? Those are some portraits I drew for my clients throughout the years.
And by eliminating fluff, I managed to reduce my anxiety too. The world has a lot to offer, but we must draw proper boundaries and choose the best opportunities that align with our values.
That's it from me, and I hope I have not strayed too far from the original intent of the question 😆. Thank you for reading, and please feel free to share your thoughts about the above in the comments below.
That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, life musing, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.
Note: All images used belong to me unless stated otherwise.
Thank you for visiting and reading my post. I hope you like it!
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