My Mindset on life
Life for me is an adventurous drive of uncertainties with each of us controlling our own steering but sometimes factors we can't control set in and take us places we never wished to go. It's a journey of possibilities, lessons and trials. We never know when nature would call us home and for this reason, I strive to make the most of my existence. My life is purposeful, intentional and I'm priority.
Things I Wish To Eliminate
I wish above all things that I could eliminate self doubt, fear, insecurities, toxic friends and the overwhelming feeling to always please people from my life.
A lot of times I have missed great opportunities because I doubted myself. Ranging from pretending I don't know the answer to a question because I am afraid of saying the wrong answer to deliberately refusing to write an exams because I was afraid of failing when everyone already had the impression that I'm very smart. Writing here on Hive itself takes grace because often times I write and keep deleting the whole article because I feel I don't make sense and it's nothing compared to what other writers are doing, I often feel so insecure like I don't measure up forgetting that were all unique in our own way and no one is being pressured here.
I really want to get rid of insecurities, fear and self doubt. I'm trying, really hard but I just have to write about how I've battled with them. I have turned down requests to be present at events not because they're not worth attending but because I just feel I shouldn't be there, I don't fit there!
I am always so worked up about what people will say about something I'm doing and this isn't in a good way. I know when you're careful to maintain a good reputation and when one is seeking validation from people. I am trying so hard to break out of that.
A few weeks back I wrote how I didn't write my final catering exams which I even went for but I was afraid, I felt unprepared and refused to write. I was the class rep. of my class, I was present everyday and I stood a chance to be one of the best graduating student if only I wrote my exams. I watched other people receive starter baking packs and I went home with nothing just because of fear. Indeed fear cripples and insecurity kills all that is beautiful.
I'll like to eliminate toxic friends from my life too. This month is going so well because I have been doing a lot of evaluation and detachment. Nothing makes life much more miserable than being surrounded by people who make you feel terrible about yourself, slow your progress and don't make an effort to make you better in any way, I am getting rid of them one after the other, I hope to spot all of them eventually.
Regardless, I think I am living my best life
Designing ones life for me is all about making plans on what I want my life to look like. My parents had raised me to be very purposeful. Their sincerity and transparency gave me an insight of what I wanted my life to be like. I wasn't comfortable with everything I saw and some of the notions my parents fed me so I decided to discover life for myself.
I feel my parents have a really boring life but they seem to be happy about it. All they do is go to church, farm, work, rest. They never go out, travel, eat out. They are very much against eating out. My parents don't believe it's right for parents to take children out, despite how many times I explain that it's family time, they're bonding, they say it's a waste of money. They are of the opinion that rather than spend a bigger amount of money in getting a meal in a fancy restaurant, it's best to buy the ingredients and cook at home and eat at a cheaper rate thereby saving money.
My parents have a huge problem with change. In as much as they are not bad people, they hardly ever encourage me into trying something new so I mostly do my things on my own and only tell them about it when it flourishes because I don't want to be discouraged. They usually seem afraid of uncertainties, rather than encourage you on a new plan, they'll rather you continue doing something you are still doing and have faith it will get better.
A funny thing happened in high school one time. We were talking about places in our English class and the teacher asked us to mention names of eateries we know, we mentioned one after the other but one of us mentioned "cutlery" as an eatery". It was very funny and a lot of us laughed but perhaps the young boy's parents are like mine who never go places with their children to have fun so the boy didn't know.
These things are not done for just the pleasure of it but it's a form of enlightenment as well. My parents never buy this idea regardless.
For me, I am living my best life not because I have all I need to live with ease, I'm living a luxurious life or I don't have challenges but because I am doing everything I love doing and I'm most thankful that though my parents aren't really like me, they allow me to do what I like.
It's all these experiences that led me to where I am now. I Know myself, what I want, what I enjoy, a career of my choice which I'm very much excelling in and for me this is my best life.
I have always loved travelling even though my parents aren't travellers. I am always excited about a change and doing something new hence my reason for deciding to school in a location further from my hometown even though my parents didn't really want that but now they're happy about it. This gave me the liberty to travel at will. I have intentions of visiting atleast 10 states in my country out of 36 (for the time being). I decided to stay and focus in school during school sessions and after exams I'll choose a state of my choice and travel there for a while before returning to my parents.
I'm living in line with my purpose so even if it gets tough atimes, I am sure that I am on the right track so I keep going.
