Much can be said about Christmas, and while I am of the faction who sees this period as one of the loveliest in the whole year, it's definitely not without its stress.
With December marking the end of another calendar year, many of us are pressed to look back, assess, drive a little wrap-up party on our year, accomplishments, as well as ponder on the coming year. And while that can be extremely cathartic in some ways, it can also rapidly become stressful. Maybe you're not where you wanted to be this time last year, maybe something upsetting marred your 2023, or maybe you've few prospects for the coming year.
How do we cope with the pressure we put on ourselves?
Couple that with the social pressure of buying expensive, beautiful, jaw-droppings gifts to prove to our loved ones how much they matter... Christmas can rapidly spiral into a veritable shitshow. So how to keep sane?
The Beauty of Past and Future ...
...is that they're not here just now. And meditating on recent months can actually be extremely beneficial to remind us that whatever misfortune found us in 2023, it's over. It's no longer here. It's in the past now. It has already happened, which means, at least, you don't have to dread it in the upcoming year.
The future goes the same way. It's important to assess the coming year with a realist outlook. One exercise I loved in therapy was making a list of things to do in 2024, which was divided in two parts: must-haves and wishlist.
The must have, the must do more accurately, was as it sounds a small list of non-negotiable. And I do mean small. No more than three or four items are permitted on this list, else you spiral into madness, self-reproach, pressure, etc. So maybe you have one or two career-related items, and one or two personal items, and that's it.
It doesn't have to be big. It just has to help keep you sane and moving forward in 2024.
The wishlist can feature as many items as you like, but preferably, make them quantifiable, as well. For me, obviously, one goal is to sell more books. But that's an abstract goal. So it helps to give it a name, a tangible goal. To sell 100 books. Or 300. Not just "sell books".
In so much of goal-setting and resolution-making, it helps to be precise. Not only does it help us achieve these goals, but it helps monitor that tricky social and self pressure we're prone to during this time of year. Because with an unclear goal, it's very easy to feel like you failed.
So don't fail. Set clear goals. Set small goals, and if you achieve them by March, hell, set another small goal.
The gift of...?
Another big stressor during the holidays is, of course, gift-giving. Now, I've written before about second-hand gifts (a great, fun, inexpensive, quirky, exciting, environmentally-friendly, to boot option for gifts).
What's in my Santa bag this year?
Books. For me, no gift is complete without books. First, because you're not just stuffing something into the bag just to do it. All the books I buy people are tailored to what I think they'd enjoy/need, and are usually personal recommendations of things that have somehow marked me in the past year. They're not just a "here's this thing" gift, but an invitation to connect, or help them in their personal interests.
Art. To be fair, I gift art for no particular reason, as I think handmade stuff is one of the loveliest, most personal gifts you can give someone. It's thoughtful. It's not random nice pictures, but things I believe represent them. And it's a token of someone's love -- here's something I spent time and attention on. I didn't swing into the nearest mall and pick it out at random in 5 minutes.
Experiences? Honestly, I've yet to make up the majority of my Christmas gifts this year, as I haven't had time yet. One aspect I am focusing on, though, is the gift of experiences. Now, much as I'd like that to be something grandiose like a trip to Paris, it's unreasonable, budget-wise. But tickets to a concert, a play, a class, a seminar... those aren't so unachievable.
Frankly, You can probably get two tickets to a play for the cost of a bland mall shirt, so if the person isn't in dire need of shirts, I'd rather gift a play ticket. People say that's tricky 'cause what if they don't like it or can't go that day or whatever? Ideally, if you can check availability beforehand, you should, but honestly, it's no trickier than buying someone a shirt. With that, there's as many chances they'll hate it and never wear it as them not going to that play. It's just less bothersome because a shirt is a more traditional Christmas gift.
An experience gift, for me, isn't just event-related -- it can be something to help further a passion or hobby (the practice of which is also an experience). So gifting someone an experience can, again, be a trip to Paris. It can also be, I don't know, fancy paper for someone who does art, or a digital graph tablet, or apparel for dance or yoga or whatever (yes, these are all gift ideas for me, but only because I don't wanna go into too much detail about my own gift plans).
Much as it is a cliche, the best gift you can give someone is time. Time spent together with a family member will always outweigh the fancy overpriced chocolate you stuff into their gift as you head out the door, you know? Listening, also, your undivided attention for a couple hours, that's also a more valuable gift than you realize. And if you hand them a fancy gift box from so-and-so brand, and start checking your Instagram while they're opening their gift, you're not really giving them time or attention, are you?
So I'm trying to give that, and it's a bit of an exercise, 'cause you can't give it just for Christmas. For me, this year, Christmas gifts are a mix of thoughtful (I hope!) objects, and healthier relationship practices. I want the people I love to be happy and feel heard not just for Christmas, but in February, and in June, as well. So for now, I'm looking at how I can ensure that for them.
I'm also focusing a little more on what I can gift myself, on what experiences/pastimes/objects could make me happier, more grounded, with a better availability for the people who matter. After a very full year, it's a challenge, trying to relax and unwind, one that's a necessary gift both to me and to those around me, 'cause I'm probably not very nice to be around when I've got the pedal to the metal, you know?
That's just the thing -- a fancy, overpriced gift won't make up for being a shitty friend or partner or brother the rest of the year. And as I've said before, you're really not gonna get that many Christmases with this person (whoever they are to you) as you may now think. So at least, make this one count.
This was written in response to this week's #KISS initiative. I'm always meaning to contribute to the lovely The Minimalist Community, but don't always find a good subject to go on, or the necessary time for a thoughtful post, so here we are. All the gratitude and festive love to @millycf1976 and @minimalistliving.
What's in your Santa bag this year?
