Unlearning that expressing feelings is a weakness

It's too easy for me to get complicated when it comes to showing my feelings. For a long time in my life, I spent my time hiding them behind masks of all kinds, which sometimes even showed the opposite of what I wanted to say. I was even ashamed of my hypersensitivity, repressing my emotions as much as possible, and even my tears, so that others wouldn't know that I was super "weak."

I didn't learn this on my own; it took many bad experiences and, in part, the upbringing I had from a very young age. The crazy thing is that it's hard to learn certain things, but unlearning them is even more complicated. So this is where having a simpler lifestyle, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally, comes in and plays a very fundamental role.

I feel that it has greatly influenced the way I express my feelings. Before, I always seemed to be hiding behind many things, and in the end, I had nothing but emotional burdens that were sometimes impossible for me to carry. But when I realized that yes, I am free to show my feelings, I can do so, and the world will not collapse because of it, I was also free.

I can say that now I hold back much less. I shed a few tears or even a flood of tears in front of people, and I am no longer ashamed or feel like the weakest and most vulnerable human being in life. I am afraid of becoming the target of anyone who wants to hurt me. But now I understand that I was making myself the target. I hurt myself so much with everything I had repressed inside for so long.

I'm not going to say that I'm now the most expressive person in the world and that I share every single thing I feel. I'm still a fairly reserved person, but I'm capable of feeling anywhere. If I have to cry because something is very sad for me, or even if something is too happy and others might see it as silly, I'm still going to cry because I can. I'm capable of expressing myself and feeling very intensely, and that's my superpower.

The power to express myself even though everyone around me teaches that you have to be careful about expressing what you feel so as not to be judged, not to be hurt, not to be mocked, and so many other "not to be" things that it's an endless list and we easily lock ourselves into it with all our feelings and emotions. So now I am unlearning all that and instead allowing myself to feel even when I am in public.