It’s always amazing to me how many times we see or hear the right things at the exact moment we’re in confusion, or seeking some form of solace. I stumbled on two quotes earlier this week and their equal similarity and relatability to the things I’ve been thinking about almost felt uncanny.
The first quote is by David McKay and it says, “Our thoughts shape us; we become what we think.” And the second quote was by Buddha “The mind is everything; what you think, you become.” It’s weird that I would randomly stumble on these quotes at the most unlikely places in two consecutive days and so it became apparent to me that it was sending me a message.
If there is ever a place I enjoy being in but which also terrifies me, it would be my mind. It’s one of those reasons you would never catch me saying, “I’m bored.” It’s like the blessing and the curse of a creative. My mind is a world on its own. I build and destroy. I restructure and transform. I create and erase, and in those times, I could end up feeling energised in an unbelievable way. Or I could end up feeling exhausted and out of sorts the entire day. The depths to which this takes makes me uncomfortable sometimes and so I consciously try not to delve too deep in the recesses of my mind.
When I was much younger, things felt easier. When I didn’t want to think about something or someone, I just pushed them away. It was like flipping a switch. My out of sight, out of mind all happened in my head. If I didn’t want to think about something or ponder about someone, maybe their actions was stressing me out, I’d will the thought of this person or this event to the back of my head and that would be it.
It was why people leaving my life or things not working a particular way for me didn’t affect me for too long. I’ll say to myself that I hate how this was making me feel and then I’ll push it away. I got so good at it to the extent that I’ll truly forget this particular thing or person existed. And so a few weeks later and the person who offended me would apologise and I’d ask. “But when did that happen?” and when the person would see that I was being serious and truly didn’t remember, they’d have that weird look on their face like they were trying to fathom who was in front of them.
When I was younger, it felt like a superpower. I could make events and people disappear from my mind just by clicking that mental switch. It was easier to focus then. To concentrate on what was important and set my priorities right. I could build and create the things I wanted, work towards whatever I had going on, and what ever didn’t sit right with me went down the drain.
It was all much simpler when I was younger.
I don’t know when it happened but it’s like this African proverb that says, “Since the hunter had learnt to shoot without missing, the bird has learnt to fly without perching.” I watched my mind slowly begin to adapt to my resistance and in a way, it become stubborn. I could still will things away but not everything I wanted, and certainly not with the dexterity I used to have. If I’m confronted with something and my mind wants to dwell on it, I’d be unable to shake that feeling off. It became frustrating.
I’m facing something in a few weeks that makes my heart skip a beat each time I imagine it not coming through. I think of all the repercussions. I think of the hurt I’d feel. I think of the disappointment in the faces of my loved ones and I just want to disappear. Why isn’t easy to block out everything and everyone like I used to? Why can’t I just shut my mind from the negativities and just do what I need to do?
Where I am heading...
I’m learning to properly embrace my mind. It’s hard when you’re actively trying to work against the one thing that may even be keeping you safe. I read those quotes I mentioned earlier and I’m learning not to be a slave to my mind but its master. I’m channelling the frustrations I’ve been feeling of recent towards building. My mind becomes too busy sometimes to truly see and concentrate on what matters so I’m reshaping it to serve me well. I’m reshaping it so I don’t get trapped in my own mind. It’s daunting but I’m gaining clarity with a each day that passes. And boy, does that feel good.
I’m a work in progress and I’m constantly transforming. I don’t know if I’ll fully achieve my aim. But I sure as heck would give it my best shot!
This is my response to the Minimalist’s #TransformationThursday Weekly Theme. Do check it out and maybe give it a go. You may be surprised how refreshed you’d feel afterwards.
Jhymi🖤
All images are mine.
