Fear is one of the human problems, and at the same time, it makes us human. It is normal to be scared about the things happening around us and in our lives because we were designed that way.
Doubt, uncertainty, panic, anxiety, and other similar feelings are attributes we all possess. Showing these feelings doesn't mean anything bad, and it only gets bad when we allow them to define or control our lives because they can become dominant, overpowering other feelings.
I have always had this thing with fear, and it has done some deep damage to me in the past few years. Just a call can cause me to start panicking, and I wasn't like that before; I used to be bold when tackling my fears, but I suddenly became overwhelmed.
If I remember clearly, I first felt this way when I didn't get into the university after my first attempt. It was all my fault things went that way, and fear crept in from there, exposing me to all sorts of negative feelings. I would randomly think about the worst instead of staying positive, and life could have gotten bad for me without my family, up to my grandmother watching and guiding me with every step I took. I felt confident around them, but whenever I was alone, my confidence just left me.
Even before attempting JAMB again, the exam that would grant me access to the university, I was scared of failing, and it affected my preparation instead of doing the opposite. When I got into the university, there were times I begged my friends to help me check my results because I mostly thought of the worst scenario despite putting in my best work.
My thoughts are always clouded, and I feel like I can't make the right call for myself out of fear. There is a friend I confide in a lot, and she would tell me to stop worrying about things, but it's not easy to pretend like nothing is happening.
My fear tripled after I lost my favorite paternal uncle. My dad became very ill too, and it was very serious. The first thing that crossed my mind was death, and for a long time, I was unable to get over the feeling. I was in school already, and whenever this fear struck, I lost control of myself. I am not wishing my dad death because it is my dream to take good care of him for being an amazing father, and thinking of the worst hasn't been helpful on my side.
It many times deprives me of the strength to keep going, and I struggle to get myself together, but this year, it was part of my resolution. I had the determination to travel light even on the scariest path. I intend to put my fear away, not completely, but staying positive should make me triumph.
Dad isn't better yet, but I am being hopeful now. Instead of thinking of the worst, I put a call across to him and chat over the phone; it feels like I am facing my biggest fear that way.
My image
Putting my fears away and staying positive has put me in control of my life, emotions, and relationships. I look forward to getting better at dealing with my fears further.