The dancing that spontaneously began again, at the urban farm, will become a daily routine over the next few weeks of solo wandering in Pringle Bay.
I'd say it was all the load-shedding, because at this rental even the internet goes down, but it's largely the environment as well that will push me forward...
in my remembering of the Who I Once Was.
On the first night of load-shedding I go and sit on the wooden stairs that lead up from the back garden to my door.
To smoke a cigarette.
When I walk outside and see the night sky, however, I completely forget to light it...
Part of The Accidental Theory: A journey to freedom
Read from the beginning >>
I just sit there on the step, holding it loosely in my right hand...
staring up above me in wonder.
And then, of course, I wander down into the garden so I can spin around slowly, my neck arched back so far it hurts a little, for the full experience.
With no lights on at all, in this part of the village during load-shedding, the sky is dazzling. There are so many stars, a white haze of galaxy breaks the midnight sky in milky patches and the unevenness only accentuates the depth of it all.
It sure puts things into perspective.
Star gazing...
There are so many stars that all I can think of to say is, "Wow!" as I try to take it all in. I say this out loud, spinning slowly around, alone in the dark.
I feel stupid even saying this word which I'll end up repeating to myself, repeatedly out loud, as I wander around the area over the next couple of weeks.
I studied English Lit during my years at Uni while I was getting my B.A. Fine Art degree. I'm aware that I don't know a third of the words, or even less than this, that I could use to describe what's in front of me. But when I see parts of this area my mind seems to empty and my soul fill up with so much something that all I can think of to say is "Wow!"
Dumbstruck, I guess they call it. And now I understand know why.
Perhaps this is the mindlessness and/or presence some of us spend so many hours striving, striving so very hard to achieve.
In this place I find it everywhere and all around me and I don't have to do anything but focus on what's right in front of me right now. I'm not aware of it, yet...
but my artist's soul is Awakening again.
All I know, right now, is that a very lost sense of wonder and peace begins to reappear. I begin to write more gently. My "voice" begins to soften. I pick up my guitar again. And I begin to dance.
Every day now.
Each day, at sunset, I make my way down to the beach and have my daily dance. People walk by and stare at me with interest. Almost all of them smile.
My joy in movement and music, and my lack of inhibition, is contagious. It breaks the ice from a distance. I imagine it's an unusual sight for most people. To see a woman dancing (barefoot of course) outdoors, for no good reason at all. With nothing in particular to celebrate. No party. No special occasion. Not even a dance-floor. Nobody to dance with. But music...
Music!
And to be able to immerse myself in music, in an environment like this, is a moment I'm not about to miss out on because I'm afraid someone may laugh at me. In fact, I hope they do laugh. I hope they remember how to "be light".
And how to be playful as well.
We've forgotten how to play. We "adults".
To play for no good reason. For the simple fun of it. We've mostly forgotten how to play at all. Unless we're filled to the brim with enough drugs and alcohol to lower our defences and to lose our inhibitions for a while. And then we aren't really "in it" anyway. What's the point of that, I ask you?
I have a secret to share with you.
Do you know what the best part of being called crazy and laughed at is?
If you walk through it long enough...
you'll eventually understand know...
that being called crazy and laughed at really makes no difference at all. Once you know yourself well enough. And are okay enough with yourself. Despite being only human. I'll tell you another secret. Those people that may judge you...
they're only human too. 😉
When you "Know Thyself" good and proper, people can throw all sorts of shit your way and it won't upset you one liddle bit. Because when you know yourself well...
you'll be able to see other people far more clearly too.
And you'll know what is yours to check and what is theirs to ignore or toss back to them. This makes the journey far more peaceful. And far, far simpler. But I guess that's why it's more peaceful so I should've kept it simple and simply said this first.
The beauty of simplicity "they" say. And, although I've never found out who "they" actually are, "they" do have some pretty cool sayings.
This is one of them, I reckon. 👆
Knowing yourself so well, that you can know others as well and keep things far more simple...
also creates more time and space for a lot more fun and joy, by the way.
Even when external situations are awkward. Especially when things aren't so rosy, with the right a clear perspective they can still be sweet, gentle and even pretty funny.
If you understand denial and projection fully.
Bonus track because The Doors (of Perception)... ALWAYS.
Yeah. I've learned, the hard way, to not take my brain too seriously. Nor the judgement of others brains of me or my brain too seriously. I do not know where the apostrophe actually goes in this sentence so I'm leaving it out. The small stuff, you know?
I also feel as though I need to add a Dr Seuss illustration at this point again.
I do not listen in the rain
I do not listen here or there
I do not listen anywhere
- not Dr Seuss
Yes.
I've even learned to laugh at myself a bit more.
And the absurdity of all this very serious business of living as well.
The fun I'm clearly having seems to break through people's defenses and they connect with more than a passing glance and a smile.
This is why I do this practice as well these days. To celebrate life and to reconnect with myself. And, in doing so, to reconnect with others and the world around me again.
Although there'll be a couple of days where the fatigue of the last few years forces me to stay in bed and rest again, over the two weeks of being out-doors in this peaceful place, my health will begin to improve.
I'll also find part-time work, at a local restaurant, from the CVs I emailed in preparation. A bit of steady income will give me time to get the recovery business up and running and to begin saving for that car. To adventure further afield.
I'm excited to find this area has a large community of artists and I'll be invited to tea by one of them as well. Things are working out and small steps are being taken to rebuild now. Myself and a new life both. This place feels like the perfect place to set up base-camp.
After moving every two weeks since we left Noordhoek, the stress of Somerset West and that night I believed my brain...
in all honesty...
I'm relieved to be able to rest and regroup here for the next three months. Even in the unexpectedly Tiny Room.
Luckily...
I'm traveling light!
Pun intended 😁
But because I'm busy adulting, and the National Party didn't upgrade our infrastructure when they knew they were about to lose power, You've been punned again and then Zuma happened 🙄 I could only offer this to you today.
But we don't sweat the small stuff, right?
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
You know it's the right thing to do!
Original Aweh (meta Verse) illustration created with Photoshop. Original illustration used original source unknown. Gif created using Canva. The rest of the images are my own.
All photo editing done with GIMP.
Gif optimised with EZgif