I flashed back to my old self and compared it to the new person I have transformed into today, and I would say that it’s nothing short of God’s grace in my life. Believe me, if I tell you that there has been a big change in who I was in the past because I was a different person, and I do not wish to go back there anymore. What brought about the change wasn’t something I was able to do on my own. I wouldn’t want to sound too spiritual in my post, but most of what I would say would be related to the life I now live.
One of the things I have left behind is selfishness. This isn’t the one where I am stingy with my stuff and only want everything to myself, but where only my ideas and opinions matter and nothing else does because I never consider others.
That led to the second thing I left behind, which is intertwined - hot-temper.
No wonder I was always impatient and would become aggressive over a silly misunderstanding, or maybe when they weren't listening to me. I would decide not to talk to them for days and even weeks because of that. I only wanted my voice to be heard and do not consider others’ feelings. I feel bossy around my friends and family, and whenever I bring up an idea and they don’t take it, I will stand up and leave. They’d be the ones begging me instead because of how I'd positioned myself that without them, I can live my life. It worked most of the time with my friends, and this was because of the mindset that since I never begged from anyone or was fed by them, then their ideas didn’t matter to me. But who was I to argue that?
This affected my relationship to the point that I felt so empty inside. My friends could no longer involve me in their plans anymore because they knew me. They knew the outcome, and to avoid that from happening, it was best not to engage me at all, and I would only be hinted at after everything was completed.
This hot-tempered attitude got me into trouble with my family. They’d call me different ugly names to mean that I need to be avoided when I am coming. It got the point that they began to run away from me. At first, I thought it was something good that I would boast of, but after a series of cautions from them, reminding me that I am a lady and would get married someday. "Is this how you would behave at your husband's house?" They’d ask me, but the next statement of the consequences would keep me calm down, but it doesn’t stop until one particular day.
I had a heated conversation with my family, and my anger erupted. I locked myself in the room and didn’t come out for hours. I was hungry, but the heat was still there. I never wanted to accept that I was wrong, but I needed them to come and apologise, too, because it was the right thing to do, as I thought. After hours, my aunt came and we talked for so long, and it made me determined to change. She told me there was no happiness in such an attitude, and yes, she was right.
After a lot of help to change, I did, and thanks to my decision to live my life for Christ, and when I studied the qualities of who I am living for, I knew it was time to leave those attitudes behind and embrace a calm approach to life and ever since then, my life has taken a new turn.
It got more obvious when my friend said I have been too cold instead of getting back at someone who cheated me some months ago, but decided to let go for the sake of peace. I told her it wasn’t that way for me anymore. One question I do ask myself whenever I find myself in situations that want to trigger the old life is this: what would Jesus do? That reply has helped me stay more relaxed, and I have enjoyed peace more than ever.
I choose not to let anger get the best of me, so it’s one of the things I decided to leave behind, and in addition, welcoming other people’s ideas and opinions, because in the end, when there is unity and love, peace reigns. I am trying to live that life, and it has been helpful. I looked at myself and saw the new version of me. Reflecting on the past and how I would have flared up over little things then and how I would have been inconsiderate, they don't matter anymore and of what use now anyway?
Images are mine
