I have had to limit myself to a few circles of friends while growing up. The idea was never to have lots around me because I hate chasing or competing with people trying to measure up or live above their means. I didn't have many friends except for my childhood friend and a few of hers. Even with that, there was one thing I didn't do, except on rare occasions, and that was not going out often. It's either I was out there helping my parents stay at their shop, or stay indoors, and every time, either she comes to visit me at home or I do, and this only happens on Sundays because that was when we were free at home.
When I entered the University, I lived that way. Not many friends, but I found these three people who we studied together. I have seen how having many friends can bring tension to people. Some want to feel among, do what others are doing, thereby making friendship a must for them, but that wasn't me. I prefer a solitary life. A life where I don't mind walking alone as long as I am comfortable and at peace.
One thing about friendship I have seen around me is how most people are tense about spending to buy new outfits every time for every kind of event. As long as you are part of the crew, you must roll with them; otherwise, they will threaten to evict you or make you feel odd among them. My two friends and I were always having one or two stories to share about those who had regretted joining a circle of friends and wouldn't be able to step out due to embarrassment and what others would say. They live their lives borrowing different items until they go broke.
I have always known that having friends who consume conspicuously, overindulge themselves and live beyond their means would be a challenge to me, and for me not to feel regret about it, I chose to live my life in a simple way where I don't bother about anything and no one would put pressure on me. Some people have accused me, saying that it's because I don't want to spend, that's why I don't want friends. As funny as that may sound, I wouldn't allow anyone to put me in trouble all because I want to feel among or become popular.
Another challenge about friendship, especially with a minimalist, is the misunderstanding aspect of it. Some wouldn't want to understand your principle, especially when it comes to your values and the act of spending or not having lots of items around you, but they would deem it as you are being stingy to them and even yourself. They might even misinterpret minimalism as arrogance. Yeah, I have been attacked by that before, which only made me laugh because I didn't see it that way.
People will always come up with different things about you, but that doesn't move me. One thing that has made me live like that is the act of contentment. It's not like I don't go out to events with my friends once in a while, but when it's something extravagant which would make me spend in such a way that I would be affected later, it's a no-no for me. Everything should be minimal, and besides, I don't like noise.
But amidst this, having a friendship to strengthen you is a wonderful gift. As a minimalist, just a few friends who value my lifestyle are something I don't take for granted. When I have people who take a minimalist lifestyle as a priority, those with whom we would work together on our goals and ensure life becomes interesting even in a simple way, I value that. Such a friendship would be stronger.
Friends with intentionality have been something I have always wanted and valued for a long time. I have a few of them today that I'd say I am lucky. They cherish meaningful friendship. These are people who prioritise quality time and deep conversations over superficial activity. Sometimes, it's not only about going to parties, spending extravagantly, and not having time for the real talks about life and goals.
When you embrace a minimalist lifestyle, it will inspire your friends to cultivate such a habit, taking it one step at a time with humility. I have heard a few people who aren't even close to me appreciating my lifestyle and telling me how they'd had to reflect on their lives and live simply. That's one of the important aspects of having true friends, where they also embrace minimalism, and that will surely strengthen the bond of friendship.
I believe in friendship that supports emotional connection rather than material dependence because this is what minimalism is all about. Focusing on the intentionality rather than just being there for what you'd benefit only. I have a few friends who show up, not based on what they have, wear or post, but just because of who they are. They value simplicity, and this makes a friendship stronger.
All images are mine
