Being in a romantic relationship with a maximalist would probably drive me insane! But depending on the degree of my likeness for the person and the person’s receptiveness, I could either decide to tolerate this aspect of the person or quietly walk away.
Luckily for me, I have come in contact with a few maximalists and I have never been in a romantic relationship with any of them. However, I have shared an apartment with a lady who was an extreme maximalist and at the time, going back to the apartment after lectures was my least favourite thing to do-this is coming from someone who loves the comfort of her room very much.
Before agreeing to share an apartment with the lady, I did a physical assessment and she passed. She was calm, reserved and not so loud. I felt that 9 out of 10 percent of people who possess these qualities have higher chances of being minimalists. I guess I found the missing 1 percent.
The first week after she moved in was normal. She was still trying to adjust to the new environment so she was really careful as to where she kept her things. Few weeks later, the maximalist in her came to light. I remember coming back after a stressful day to a room that was turned upside down. It felt like a hurricane visited briefly and everything was tumbled. I couldn't even react as I was trying to conserve the remaining energy I had within.
Out of curiosity, I politely asked the lady why the room was a total mess. It turns out that she was searching for a dress to wear for an outing, hence, the havoc. At this point, I knew that I had two options; first, I could learn to tolerate the young lady while kindly correcting her or second, I could call it quits and walk away. The latter wasn't a favourable option because I would have to go house hunting from scratch and I didn’t have the time nor resources to do that. So I stayed and prayed that I didn't lose my sanity.
I cannot count the number of times I got extremely annoyed because of my maximalist roommate. It felt like all the things I said to her always fell on deaf ears. One minute the room is arranged with just a few things in sight and the next minute everything is a mess.
This experience taught me vital lessons, one of them being the fact that we have to take it easy on maximalists. Shouting and ranting would only give us a headache. Maximalists can change but this change is a gradual process which requires love and tolerance.
Instead of getting angry at my roommate, I corrected her. “The shoes go here, the books go here and the dirty clothes go here and not on my bed!”. I kept repeating these things day after day until somehow, it stuck. No! My roommate didn't miraculously become a minimalist. However, she started paying heed to certain things that I always talked about. Let's say, out of the ten things I always talked about, she changed four. Four may seem small but it was huge progress at the time. This way, I talked less.
My roommate slowly adapted. She learnt to keep things in order and she most certainly learnt to buy only things she needed not just random things that wanted. Once again, I began liking the comfort of my room as it became more inhabitable. My days of talking on end, correcting and also leading by example finally paid off and this isn't even a case of a romantic relationship.
Is being in a romantic relationship with someone who is a maximalist a deal breaker for you?
To answer the question, I would say that it depends on the person's willingness to accept change. If the person I'm in a romantic relationship with is receptive and open to change, then I know I wouldn't spend all the days of my life talking about how things should be kept, nor would our romantic moments be interrupted by litters or unnecessary items lying around. This way, I know there is hope for change and I can learn to live with the person.
However, if the person is narrow-minded and unreceptive, then, maximalism would be a deal breaker for me. This is because I would prefer to walk away with my mental health intact rather than stay in a romantic relationship which would lead to me becoming talkative and possibly agitated every single time.
All images used belong to me and were taken with my mobile device except stated otherwise.
love🤍