Some things are pleasant and even pleasurable when swollen.
Some things are not.
So you want to see what I'm talking about don't you? I'm not one to show much skin on the blockchain....I've been told that it sells and some people love to illicit sexy comments by being a bit risqué and being more revealing than others.
I recently got told I have hobbit feet when I explained why my current mood is generally bordering on trying not to commit homicide out of sheer irritation and frustration - you see orange just isn't my colour so I'm having to find ways to deal with my current uncomfort zone and to be honest, I don't think I'm winning.
You see I'm 3 weeks away from giving birth and apart from my feet being six times their normal size, my belly is also huge, I struggle to breathe because of the pressure on my lungs and this baby likes to practice martial arts on my rib cage. The little boy is being adopted due to the circumstances around this pregnancy and I feel like waiting another 2 to 3 weeks is going to push me over the edge. Perhaps I should just go live in the Hobbit House in Stutterheim.
While I see all these gorgeous people being all sexy and writing beautifully bodacious posts about happenstance encounters with electric chemistry building and escalating into steamy sessions of passion - I'm sleeping with my feet a meter above the rest of my body so that the bruising can dissipate, waiting for my due date ... how long will it take me to rebuild my life from literally zero?
I think that every time that I've been successful and gained traction in my life, I was running solo. Perhaps one day I'll find a healthy balance again. Perhaps one day I'll feel successful again. Perhaps one day I'll fit into a size 10 again. Perhaps one day I'll feel like myself again. Perhaps one day I won't be angry, uncomfortable and confused anymore. Perhaps one day I'll feel sexy again like I did at one point.
All I know now is that I've been braving some of the darkest times of my life over the last six months and I've shown the world a smile, I've been loving and warm, generous and understanding, diplomatic and I've given people the benefit of the doubt. I've risen above abuse, hatred, anger and revenge even with my fucking hobbit feet.
Perhaps today I get to allow myself a day to be irritated and to dish out some what for. Perhaps today I allow myself to be human and be a pain in the ass.
I'm sure tomorrow I'll go back to being nice again. Today I'm going to be the grumpiest hobbit in hobbitville.