It's crowded up in here. Thinking of a post title took me five minutes. Five seconds of that was spent getting myself startled by my computer's sharp ting - my pinky was on the Shift key for too long. It's always been like this. Too many thoughts. Too many ideas. They're all inside my head.
Have you ever been a prisoner of your mind? Are you inside your head for most of the day? Maybe you don't even know what time it is now. Maybe you don't even know what day it is now without checking the calendar.
Is it even a prison? You sit with your thoughts and play around with them all day. Your mind presents you with many scenarios to work with. Some to laugh about, some to tinker on. Interaction with the outside world is not needed when you have so many versions of yourself to talk to.
Is it really fun? They never stop babbling. Thoughts are free-flowing. Maybe a little too overflowing. They can take you to places undesirable. Too dark. Too vague. Too complex. Sometimes, you try to run far away from them, only to find out they're right behind you.
Is it hard to deal with? The only enemy is you. You can probably send your copies to the corner for a timeout. You can silence them if you want to. The possibilities are endless and you can keep their mouth shut. But, can you really? It can be lonely without them.
Is it easy to handle? You're the enemy. The worst one that's out there. You can think of the best ideas there could be but you keep shooting your rockets down. What's wrong with you? What's right with you? Why do you keep feeding yourself question after question?
Stuck in a loop. That's what it feels like. It's sitting in front of your television and watching reruns of series you're tired of seeing, but you watch them anyway. You roll your eyes as the experience isn't unique anymore. It's the same script and yet you're entertained to find out that you almost know all the lines to it. When will you get bored of it?
Did the images flash before your eyes? I hope they're vivid enough as they kept running in my mind. Second by second, scenes change, and sometimes the thoughts become so distant from each other. You're on a different tangent before you know it. Daydreaming is fun until you realize that the sun's down and you were not able to do anything but stay inside your head.
You sleep with your gears grinding, you wake up to the same thing. It never ends.
Until you find the big red button.
It's out there. It's big. It's red. Both should be enough to catch your attention but you keep on ignoring the signs for reasons unknown. You'd say you're not afraid of uncertainties and yet pushing the button scares the living hell out of you. Living inside your head is safe. Living inside your head is perfect.
Be safe all you want but your ideas are banging on the exit door, dying to see the light of day.
Heck, stay for a while if you need to but maybe, a push from the inside is all you need. Maybe a pull from someone outside, too. Can you really last long tending to all the noises deep within?
Care a little less. Make your world your playground. Maybe it could use some of those ideas flowing out your head.
Have you been this stuck? Well, I'll catch you outside. How about that?
Thanks for stopping by.
Arc likes to play games on and off the blockchain when she's not lurking around Hive/Wax.
Personal and creative dumps are all over arcgspy.
Blockchain gaming content, and beyond, will be at arcmilla.
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