Hitting My Limits, Not My Goals by Caelum1Infernum

I wanna bash myself today and others around me. Currently, for the others who are in contact with me—it's not that I don't want to talk to you, but you're just so boring. You bore me to death. I just want to throw my phone from here, hoping it reaches you and hits your head with it. Because your life bores me to death. I wish I could take my phone and smash it on my own head.

How dull can your life be? Doing the same thing over and over again. You're not learning anything. You don't even eat new things—just the same food every single day. And the best part? It's not even a healthy diet. Yet you complain about gaining weight, having stomach aches, or not being able to go to the toilet for a few days. Of course you can't—you eat shit food and don't even exercise. How the hell are you going to lose weight?

Okay, I'm done bashing them. Now on to bashing myself.

Well, yeah, I do many things—from writing, boxing, Muay Thai, graphic design, being an author, mentor to others, etc. But fuck myself. I have nothing to my name. I haven't even achieved anything. I work 24/7 and haven't had a day off for almost 6 months now. And I'm losing money in the process of working towards my goals. Amazing.

I was rich twice, but it was fleeting. I tried many things. I traveled outside of the country to work and find better opportunities. Well, outside—not much difference, to be honest. Because I don't have any qualifications. I don't have that paper that makes your salary jump. I have many talents, but it doesn't add up to my salary. So I got fed up and worked for myself quite a few times now. And I didn’t fail, to be honest. But I fail in managing my stress and emotions. If I can handle that, I can handle the business.

Now, I live alone, living on one meal a day so I can cut costs—not because I want to fast, but I have no choice. How fucked up can this life be? At this age, my life is still the same—eating scraps while working the whole day and night with zero money in my pocket. How bloody annoying it is to be alive at this age and living like this. I don't know. It's tiring being poor even though you work till your body breaks.

Most days, I’m just lucky people actually help me. These days, I don’t even know why. I don’t have much time left. I do hope I don’t die and leave zero for my family. Don’t want anyone to pay for anything before I’ve left.

Man, body and mind limits—I always hit them. But not the limits of profits.

Image made with grok3 grammar fixed by chatgpt written by me caelum1infernum.

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