I was somewhat excited when I picked up an old diary a few nights ago and decided to recall old memories I had probably even forgotten. It felt so good and nostalgic to read through the writings, although there was not much in the diary. Everything was going well until I stumbled on a page that sent a wave of sadness through my core. I cannot begin to describe how awful I felt after reading all the contents on this page; it was a very bad feeling. I’m not even going to lie.
So, I got this diary as a gift at the beginning of 2021 from a bookstore vendor--turned friend-- I patronized at the time. I have always been excited about journals or diaries; I once saved up my pocket money to buy one back in secondary school (good old days, lol). I couldn’t write much in this particular diary because I barely remember to write in it, unlike before, when I wrote about every little thing: how my day went, my experiences, my emotions, etc.
To give the real and actual gist, on this particular page that I was referring to, I wrote my goals for the year 2022. Remember I mentioned I got it at the beginning of the year 2021, when I got plenty of books from my book vendor and he gave me a diary as a gift? So, basically, I wrote in it through the year and probably documented those goals at the end of year 2021. It was that time of the year when you believe so much in yourself to achieve all you have ever imagined. It is that time of the year where ‘impossible’ is totally ignored, you dare to dream so big, your morale is so high, and no negativity can dim your light of positivity.
I wrote my goals with so much determination, and I was already implementing ways to achieve them.
So, why exactly did I feel extremely awful after reading my ‘GOALS FOR 2022’
Here you go…
I listed 11 things to achieve in the year 2022, and guess what, my people? I realized that I was only able to achieve one of the goals on the list. That was exactly why I felt really bad after coming across that page. Honestly, it made me feel like I made no progress in any way—just one! I felt bad, for real. A year and a few months have passed, and it feels as if I am still in one spot; it’s depressing for real.
But then, on a brighter note, as much as it felt like I had been in one place for a whole year and a few months by coming across that page, I know deep down that it is not true in any way. I know that I am not at the place I really want to be yet, but I am definitely not where I used to be, and this right here elevates my spirit. Maybe I truly haven’t grown in those particular things I listed, but surely I have grown in other aspects because I am not the same person I used to be a year ago. Inevitably, there had obviously been growth, and I wouldn’t want to be an ungrateful person by counting only my losses.
This is totally coincidental, but I took a different approach to my goals at the beginning of this year. I decided not to write down goals for the year, but wins for the year. So many people might disagree with this method because the former is a valid method too. In a way, it serves as a road map to navigate the year with, but so far, I think my method has been working great for me. It makes me take into account things we overlook on a normal day (those little wins). Personally, I think that helps you realize that a lot of good things worth celebrating actually happen to us, and they shouldn’t be overlooked.
Have you ever planned to achieve some goals for yourself but eventually weren’t able to achieve them? (It might not be a yearly goal.) How did that make you feel? I’d really love to hear from you.
Thank you for reading.