Please don't come at me with your big guns! I am in such a state where this could make me feel a bit accomplished. But, Alas! It backfired.
Photo by Thiago Matos from Pexels
As the age-old saying goes, Man proposes but God disposes is painfully true. Many things happened in the last 2 weeks or so. I will be mostly talking about them and maybe slightly complaining.
But first, let me summarise the things that happened and still happening around me
- Applied for a PhD position
- A mini-disaster in the family
- A backstabbing
- A job application
- A freelance offer
Is there anything else? Cannot remember.
Although I completed my B.Sc and M.Sc in CSE, I never intended the latter nonetheless pursuing a PhD! Living in the era of technology, and studying the core subject yet, I feel more comfortable with pen and paper. Due to the events of August, I decided I could not pursue a government job anymore and I wanted to escape the country.
I stumbled upon several PhD openings, and I decided to apply there. Two of those had a deadline on November 15th. The dates will play a role in the future.
I completed the form, uploaded the certificates, mailed and called my two supervisors for their references. But the most needed 'Motivational Letter' was not done till the 15th morning. Finally, I was able to apply a couple of hours before the deadline hit.
My father, who is a mariner of a merchant ship, came home about a month ago. He was facing some physical problems. So, he left before the contract ended to see a doctor. But he got engaged in another family matter.
On the 9th, he started feeling pain in his head and chest simultaneously. Thinking it was happening due to gastric he did not care about it. The next day, the frequency increased. Although me and my mother told him to see a doctor or at least consult with his nephew who is a doctor, our advice was not regarded.
Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels
On the 11th, his pain worsened. But even with this condition, he went out, saying the pain had lessened. At around 4:30 pm, his condition was becoming severe. We took him to a hospital forcefully.
They took him to the emergency room, and from there he was taken to the ICU. Various tests were done. And they found out he had a mild heart attack. He was admitted to the hospital till the 17th they referred him to another hospital in the capital city.
Okay, let us go back to the 9th. Remember I talked with my two referees? This was the day I mailed them the letters with the link they needed to fill out the form. I talked with them on the 3ed November, took almost 6 days to leave the procrastination and prepare the drafts.
One was helpful, during the call he told no need for me to go to my University and meet him. He will do it accordingly. I went to the University on the 10th where I met the second one. Who told me to go back the next day with the draft.
I met him the next day morning, which was the 11th. He said the draft was okay. Then told me to mail him the link again so he could fill it. This was the day when in the afternoon my father was taken to the ICU, so I was in distress. I still mailed both of them the drafts again.
The next morning, one of the reference letters was submitted. I did not bother him and was not in the right frame of mind to do so. Time went by, and it was the 14th when I called him several times, finally, he received my call. I asked about the reference letter, he said he did not get any mail! He further added he did not go to the University that day, so he would not be able to fill out the form(as if he had no way to do it from his home!). I mailed again to his all three emails known to me.
The next day was a holiday. I hoped he would fill up the form. I waited till the last hour! In the meantime, I kind of prepared a motivational letter, I know, that was not on the good side, and I have near zero chance of being selected for the post. I called him again times, but no reply.
So, I took a drastic measure, I filled out the form myself, as the letter was checked by him also he told me I could fill up the form, and if any confirmation mail arrived, he would confirm it.
On the 18th, I received an email from the institute I applied. They told me I used a referee's information without their consent, and that is cheating, so they have banned me from applying to any kind of program permanently! So, I found out, that the second referee, who did not submit it, in the confirmation mail told them, that I filled out the form without his consent!
Really! I knew I was not going to get selected there, but why take the path to impose a permanent ban on me? I was shocked at the nature of that person! Seniors, always told me he is a lowlife, but I restrained myself from thinking that but after the backstab, I do think others were right to say bad things about him.
Well, I wanted to write more, but it is getting late at night, so I will be brief.
One of my University friends told me to provide him with a CV with Java in the skills and Jaspersoft in the tools. I did so. I asked how should I prepare. His reply was, I should only present in the interview, rest would be taken care of by him! Yet, I do not feel good about going with zero knowledge, so I am trying to know the basics.
Another one of my University friends proposed me, if I can learn react native within one month and complete a project, then I will get a hefty sum of money as he has a freelance job, on which he may not be able to give time besides his job. So, I am trying to learn JavaScript, react, and react native also remembering the key items from HTML and CSS.
Photo by LN_Photoart from PixabayBut the fact is I am in a distressed mind. I do not know if will I be able to pull any. The one with the project proposal, said, I should make money a priority, as money is the biggest motivation of all. But truth be said, I never wished for a lot of money. I wanted mental peace, if there was enough money for lunch and dinner then I would not need more.
So, this is almost all the things I am going through now, so it is tough for me. I wish to sort my life. I want peace more than anything else right now (well the health of parents is also included in the definition of peace).
Maybe I will be back with some other things to complain about. Till then, Bye Bye! Sorry if the unrelated trains of thought bothered you. But I felt good expressing the things!