The finding of my 'personality type' are overshadowing everything. Its a bit more than a week now and I can pay attention to little else. I am marking dates and waiting. That is for the moment all I can do. Nothing gets done. I feel as if I am treading water.
This day is 06/12/2021. My future changed because my past changed. The events are the same. The value of every memory changed. Every expectation changed.
My future changed direction like a train shunted on to a side track, nobody knowing if tis is the main line.
It is mind numbing. I might as well been born to different parents with a different name.
I spent most of my life reading. While I were in school I finished six books every weekend, sometimes more. I thought myself a bookworm. The truth is that reading were the safest place to hide. When I read, my mind would focus; and sometimes hyper-focus; on the words on the page.
I wasn't reading because its fun. Even while I did not understand what was happening my brain found a way to protect me and created logical reasoning to sustain it.
My thoughts on my parents also changed. What I considered emotional terrorism were just the thing that happens to an Empath. Different choices could have made a difference to everything. They did not now. They could not even understand their own emotions at the time.
Forgiveness now seems such a simple path to walk.
I am standing in front of a gate. My future on the other side. Passing through will change every hope and thought I had about things to come.
When I stop for a moment to listen, I can feel the expectations and hopes of every person in my life. When I go through the gate, I will live the pain, frustration and confusion of the of the people closest to me.
I am going through anyway.
Thank you for reading my post. It is a bit of an emotional rambling. I hope the rest of what I write will place it n context. thank you for your upvote.
