Confessions| Musings

Lately, I feel like someone who has just gone out of the cave and quite bewildered of things around me. It’s interesting how I am at the same time following and knowing trends but also feeling so behind on things. Unlike most people my age, I honestly think I am just a kid and without much responsibilities. Whenever I am talking to them, I can’t relate much and I hate to say this but sometimes I am forcing myself to relate to a lot of people.

Yes, I don’t understand why people have the need to get a mortgage.

I also don’t understand why people have to sacrifice their own happiness for others.

There are many things I can’t relate to but oh well…

At the same time, I think relatability matters a lot when socializing. It is the exhausting part that I have to constantly do once in a while. But being relatable to others can garner a sympathy and increase likeability that if you’re a commoner, it’s one way to survive. Afterall, they say that we’re social beings and I am just trying to live up to it.

Growing up, though I was instilled that everyone is my competition, I was honestly just happy doing my best. So, I never really cared if anyone makes more than me, more successful than me, or have more than me, I think like we’re all here vibing and that’s all there is. But I don’t know how that changed in the last couple of years and how it affected me so much that I started caring about these things and forgot that when doing my best I definitely do well.

There’s this anecdote in my life that I like to remind myself once in a while. Horse wears a blinder to protect them from seeing the chaotic surroundings and helps them focus on their tasks. It helps them achieve their goal on the road or racetrack. I learned about this when I was a kid because I was curious why horses wear blinders and soon, I found out why. This is how I’ve honestly been living my life, I simply have some sort of blinders and don't care much about my chaotic environment & it was for the best. I am content with what I have and my life for the most part. But sometimes, life gets the best of me.

Somehow, there was a point in my life where I felt the need to socialize and relate to a lot of people.

I am by default socially clueless but because I am half street smart and I can camouflage my way in, socialization becomes a lot less of a chore. Still, it’s going to take me sometime to re-energize and going back to society again.

While small talk bores me, I enjoy engaging with people that offer some ideas, a good rant as well as just dark humor. I find it easier connecting with those people than those who don’t. But what I learned from recent elections in the country is that gaining favor and likeability aren’t done by being elitist. Sure, the smart ones would love to be surrounded by academics but that doesn’t guarantee a lot of votes but the one that dumbs down gains a lot more voters. That’s something that I clearly saw from the recent election and reminded me why I have the need to actually learn how to sympathize, relate, and make things a lot simpler. Perhaps changing my worldview and the way I approach things would be a game-changer for my life too.

Recently, I have been contemplating about the opportunity of business with my sister. But I know damn well now, that I need to think 100x before committing to it.

In business, I also learn that, you have to like people to thrive and flourish. Business is about people and when you don’t know them, don’t think about being an entrepreneur. This is why I notice that my dad, who was street smart and knows his way to gain favor from others , was more successful than my uncle who wasn’t really a street smart. That goes the same with my other family members. I think they went the route they shouldn’t because they weren’t street smart enough to own a business. Even for me, I honestly fit in fairly well with an office job and 9-5 than being a freelancer because I don’t do well with people (note : I can but that requires a lot more energy than I am willing to spend). ⁠

A lot of the time, I also outsource my marketing to my mom, my cousins or others, while I am dealing with the administration, financing and other spectrum of the business. For ideas, research, and anything that has to do with analytical, I am the expert. It’s something I enjoy doing and executing. So, it’s why I don’t think I cut out of handling sales and marketing because I tried and it never ends well. I won’t necessarily give up the idea of having business but I recognize areas that I definitely needed help and looking for a partner to complement that aspects.

Another confession I’d make today is that I think that as I grow older, sharing stuff online is cringey. In the age where tiktok thrive and people share every pixels of their life online, I felt like it’s all cringe. However, I applauded that everyone has the confidence to go beyond and share their life to millions of strangers online that potentially invade their personal space and privacy. I wasn’t afraid of sharing mine in the past but not sure why I do lately. It’s something I want to change this year too, to be more open and less reserved, here’s to join the cringe!