Observations. Notations. Random conversations. I’m really starting to wonder at all that’s gone asunder. Questions. I have too many of them. People often get uncomfortable and quite reactive. Questions wear punching gloves when they hit the “no touchy” zones. Instant boxing match. Not my intention. My intention is to learn and grow.
So I’m curious about this tender thingy lately, rather blatantly, hence a recent boxing match. Is IT dead yet? This is what I’m wondering about. IT being Self-Responsibility. I wonder why any adult needs to have someone/something to direct their lives for them, tell them what is right, what is wrong, and then reinforce with punishment according to the offense (often repeat offenses). Isn’t that the same as a parent punishing a child for doing something wrong? Maybe that’s just my perspective.
One thing that’s long steeped in me is to be self-responsible in all the ways I conduct myself. Accountable for my wrongs, my mistakes, for any harm I cause, and to be aware not to do it again. Every time I think of doing, or do any harm, there’s a nagging voice inside me that yanks me up short. That’s my inner guide, my inner compass. I don’t need anyone/anything to tell me when I’ve done wrong.
Sometimes, I have a bad habit of saying, “I will do what I want." Repeated efforts of many attempting to control me have only fueled my determination to walk my own path, hence the previous statement. This triggers reactions when I don’t qualify that statement (and also even when I do).
It essentially means, I am accountable to myself as an autonomous human being. I will conduct myself according to my inner guide/compass. So, yes, I am free to do what I want, but, it must be in line with my inner guide. There are a LOT of rules that comprise my personal code that serves to guide me. There are immediate consequences if I break them. I call it being self-responsible. I’m wondering if being responsible for oneself is dead.
In the recent boxing match, my question of self-responsibility was slammed hard. I got told I know nothing about the law, despite my five years’ experience in criminal law and background in corporate contract law. Okay, I know nothing. It’s all black and white. It’s all very simple. Tell that one to all the lawyers and some judges I know. Law is not black and white, as much as people would like to believe that it is. It’s more like a chess game where you must know all the rules. Reminds me of corporate life.
Many more things were said, but none of that matters because it all came from a reactive place, an inability to go beyond a single viewpoint, caught in a self-imposed mind trap. For the most part, I let things like that wash over me like a leaf floating down the creek. This time, it left me with the question of, how many people live a life of self-responsibility and to what degree? Is IT dead yet? Is self-responsibility dead? Maybe I need to get it together and work hard to abdicate this horrible addicting habit of self-responsibility that I have. I wonder if there are any support groups that can help me with that.
All photos taken by Nine with a Pentax digital 35mm camera. Caution; sarcasm included in this post. It might be a bit stingy for some.
