Sitting right in my daddy’s chair at the porch, looking into the sky and thinking someway somehow and through some magical means all his experience and wisdom would infiltrate my brain because I’m so stuck in life about friendships. Am I the problem? Definitely not. I had asked a lot of people if I was the problem and they all responded in the negative. In about 2 months I had cut off two really good friends or they dumped me? Let’s just say they dumped me.
Let’s start with my ex best friend.
Wait, you won’t believe what just happened. Right in the moment when I was writing this, I had a text from her apologizing. Waittt, so maybe I really am not the problem. I’m emotional at the moment and don’t even know the direction this will go. My ex best friend dumped me because I was blunt about my opinions of her ex boyfriend.
They had broken up so I didn’t think it was a big deal to be truthful ans straight about the ex. She dumped me after some days. Did it hurt? It hurt like hitting your toe nail to a chair on a cold morning.
Okay, so the other friend too? He was always yelling at people anytime he was angry. Yes, he is a he which was scary enough. And oh he’s like body builder so automatically his yelling would give off, I will beat you up. I hope I’m making sense. I had to, I just had to. You might be wondering Eii Abena what did you do this time to a body builder.
Well, I kept it a hundred with him; he should stop yelling at people because it’s scary. “Today he’s yelling, tomorrow who knows what else he would be doing” the exact same words I told him. In the next minute he blocked me. I was shattered. That was my person. Not my person like in a romantic way. For a while I felt like maybe I wouldn’t really have friends stay around me because of my straightforwardness. Was I supposed to start pretending to be who I’m not?
A true sanguine, extrovert , dramatic and straightforward, that’s me and was it really worth changing for anybody, I thought to myself. I’ve always been that friend people would come to anytime they wanted to hear the absolute truth about something. I mean the naked truth, with no cover.
So back to sitting in my daddy’s chair. Did his wisdom infiltrate my brain? Yes it did! My friends were right, I wasn’t the problem but my methods of execution were! Being straightforward wasn’t a problem, telling them the truth wasn’t the problem! Hell, they even already knew the truth about themselves but never found it easy to admit it.
The problem was how straightforward I was with my straightforwardness. I genuinely thought the truth could only be told in a straightforward way but no.
It’s like telling a fat person, she’s fat. She already knows it so you telling her straightforward that hey, you are so fat! Makes her not only feel fat but ugly. Right there, when those magic infiltration of wisdom happened in my daddy’s chair, I knew in one hand was the problem and the next hand was the solution, I didn’t have to look so far. I could be honest without being straightforward, I could say the truth in a polite way. Like I said, the truth already hurts, so why not say it in a polite way that could widen the person’s perceptives into accepting to work on themselves.
Instead of telling my best friend her ex was no good for her, I could have just told her my observations and allowed her to conclude and decide for herself. And honestly, it’s not everytime that my honest opinion is even necessary.
And oh, the body builder also unblocked me and apologized but it only gave me the confirmation I needed, I’m not the problem, my method of execution is and the only thing I needed to do was to change my methods.
I’m gradually transforming. I’ve heard a lot of wow, you’ve changed, oh in a good way. Henceforth, I know my daddy’s chair and I are for-lifers!
All images are mine