Before I Die is a fictional story of the last few days of a man meeting his death. It is my first complete novel and I decided to share it here in the form of chapters.
Yusuf was tired of his friend Mohammed's procrastination in repaying the debt that exceeded ten thousand dollars. Mohammed always reassured Yusuf that he would pay the next month or the following month. Despite Yusuf's numerous offers to pay the amount in instalments, Mohammed insisted on paying the entire debt in one lump sum after a short period.
Today marks the tenth anniversary of that debt, and Yusuf is frustrated. It has become a constant reminder of the unfulfilled promise that he cannot let go of, thus deserving to occupy his thoughts on this anniversary. Although Yusuf doesn't need the money, Mohammed's lying and deceitful behaviour greatly bothers him and makes him determined to recover his debt, regardless of how long it takes. The matter has become more of a principle than a financial necessity.
On this anniversary, Yusuf borrowed a phone from one of his new acquaintances in his medium-sized company, to make a call. Since Mohammed never answered calls from numbers he recognized as Yusuf's, Yusuf dialled a number that he had saved in his memory due to frequent calls to it. He considered it a part of the ongoing battle between them.
Mohammed: "Hello."
Yusuf: "How are you, my friend Mohammed?"
Mohammed recognized the caller: "Welcome... welcome, Yusuf. I actually wanted to call you shortly. Is this your new number?"
Yusuf knew that the purpose of asking about his new number was to store it and not answer any calls from it in the future. So he wanted to put Mohammed at ease and said: "If I had called you now, would that be considered Haram (forbidden)?"
Mohammed remained silent for a moment and then laughed, saying: "No, you are clever, and God is always the witness!"
Yusuf took a deep breath and said: "I will be clear with you this time, Mohammed. After two days, I will go to file a complaint against you. I know I don't have solid evidence, but I have some short messages between us that might support me. In any case, if you deny the debt, win the legal battle, and steal the money, I will be very relieved afterwards because I will no longer consider you a friend, nor will I even think of you in my life."
Mohammed, with a hint of lying, responded, "Give me until tonight, and I will call you to explain everything if you still need to complain."
Yusuf replied, "I'll give you until 9 o'clock, and after that, I won't answer you ever again."
Mohammed assured him, saying, "Don't worry."
Yusuf hung up the phone, muttering a few words that didn't concern him. On the other end, Mohammed was seriously contemplating Yusuf's threats. It was the first time he had been threatened in this manner, and it seemed that Yusuf's determination was becoming effective. Mohammed didn't want to appear vulnerable in front of their mutual friends, as it would be a disgrace to care more about what people say about them than their own opinions of themselves.
Time passed, and Yusuf anxiously waited, knowing that he had made up his mind. The person who knows what they want is always less anxious than the one who is lost without a goal. His decision was clear. If Mohammed didn't call him by 9 o'clock, Yusuf would start taking steps towards pursuing the legal case the next day. Meanwhile, Mohammed was becoming more and more apprehensive.
He was sure of Yusuf's determination now, but at the same time, he was wary of betraying all his friends who were associated with Yusuf, almost lifelong friends.
The clock struck 8 o'clock.
Mohammed took a deep breath and began dialling Yusuf's number.
Yusuf answered, "Hello."
Mohammed started with an apology, "Hello, my friend. I'm calling you now, and first, I want to apologize for what I did. But God knows the circumstances."
Yusuf interrupted, "Circumstances? You bought a new car, furnished your house, and went on a luxurious vacation abroad, and now you're talking about circumstances?"
Mohammed replied confidently, "It's complicated!" as if he was telling Yusuf not to argue because the matter would soon be resolved.
Yusuf fell silent and didn't respond.
Mohammed continued, "I have prepared the amount for you, and I hope you come and take it around 1 o'clock after midnight because I have guests who will arrive in half an hour and bring the money, and they will leave at approximately 1 o'clock."
Yusuf replied, "Alright, I will do that."
The conversation ended, and Yusuf got up and prepared dinner for himself. Despite his busy life, he still lived alone until now. He had met many women who fascinated him, and he admired them, but the relationships never developed into marriage.
No one around him knew the reason for his solitude except for his close friends. However, people speculated and judged, and some even assumed that he was deviant, although he adhered to societal norms completely.
Yusuf finished his dinner and sat down to watch the news for a while. One of the civil wars in the Arab region dominated the headlines.
Al Jazeera channel reported the killing of thirty-two people by government forces, while Al Arabiya claimed it was forty. Al Bayan channel presented a different perspective, stating at least one hundred and twenty casualties, while a witness who called in mentioned at least two hundred. Meanwhile, a correspondent from the Al-Ramsiya channel reported no casualties.
Yusuf laughed, not knowing what had amused him, but he insisted on seeking the truth and watched all the channels. After all, wasn't his job excellent and his financial situation lacking? So why didn't he care about it and completely abandon the illusion of fame? Why did his parents instil this nationalistic sentiment in him, where any criticism of your brother is considered a sin? As if saying "I hate the flag" implies that you hate the country.
He continued his internal struggle even with the TV off, but he turned on the movie channel, amazed at its ability to captivate our interests and minds. It was truly an effective escape from reality.
Yusuf continued to watch this movie channel that exploited viewers in the most horrifying ways. Every minute, there were relentless commercials interrupting the films, and the viewers were compelled to watch them every time. "Do the advertisers know how much I despise these products that cut through the heart of the films at their most crucial moments? Do they know that I immediately boycott any product that interferes with the pleasure of watching?" he wondered. "I don't think so!"
Thus, Yusuf spoke to himself and glanced at the clock, which showed twelve-thirty after midnight. He stood up, called Mohammed, and asked, "Have the guests left?" Mohammed replied affirmatively and said that Yusuf could come now.
Yusuf, as usual, put on his sportswear after work because he believed he had the right to dress as he pleased as long as it didn't violate public morals. He didn't care if someone told him, "You're a company owner, and you should always appear presentable." It was his right to live as he wanted since he was the source of his own life. When the world ends, this argument would convince him that he is the source of the world, not the other way around.
He quietly left his house, and got into his car, which he had never driven before. Throughout his life, he had been afraid of driving cars, but age and work complications forced him to overcome that fear. He calmly drove toward Mohammed's house, knowing that the matter would be settled today. Yusuf didn't expect Mohammed to call him again after he received his money. Would he continue their relationship, or would he end it?
Yusuf didn't think about it at all because he always expected a new lie when Mohammed arrived. He didn't dwell on it too much because he didn't want to be disappointed again.
He drove his car and approached the street where Mohammed lived. It was a wide street, usually empty of cars and people, and this time it was completely deserted since it was late at night. He advanced calmly as he approached Mohammed's house. His speed was moderate, not exceeding fifty kilometres per hour in the street. But he seemed somewhat distracted due to the late hour and the nature of the street, devoid of people and vehicles.
From here, he started to comprehend Einstein's theory of relativity, which required a different perspective on things based on location and time. He continued driving while pondering that theory and focusing on the time, and he was taken by surprise by a person rushing and throwing himself under the car, but a little away from it, as if he was trying to tease him.
Yusuf was not startled. It was the first time he felt such tension while driving, something he had avoided throughout his life, fearing this kind of situation. He didn't know how to react, stepped on the brakes and did everything automatically.
He climbed onto the man who had thrown himself under the car!
He got out of the car hastily, shouting, "Oh God, Oh God!"
People came out of their houses upon hearing Yusuf's screams. He got out of the car, continuing to shout, "Oh God, Oh God!"
It was Hamad who was under the car. Yusuf embraced him while crying and shouting, "Why did you throw yourself under the car? Why?"
No words came out of Hamad's mouth. He looked at Yusuf with loving eyes, and at the same time, he smirked cunningly!
Yusuf didn't comprehend the contradiction in the person at that moment. He saw him as both suicidal and shy!
People approached and they put Hamad in Yusuf's car. Yusuf, who couldn't drive, sat in the back seat and placed Hamad on top, stained with blood. And during the drive, suddenly, one of the passersby made a loud noise, and Hamad looked at Yusuf, smirking, and said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to die. I wanted you to stop before hitting me and pretend to be injured, in exchange for hitting me and ending it."
Yusuf looked at him and said, "Why? Why did you do that?"
The passerby turned to Yusuf and said, "Yes, but it's from the heat of the soul!"
Yusuf looked at the passerby in astonishment and said, "Is this the time for delusions? There may be a soul, but the idea that it has heat is a strange belief without evidence. And how did you know it would make people say some delusions?"
While driving, Yusuf wondered how someone could dare to sacrifice their life. He initially said to himself, "He's crazy, he'll give up on this." The matter was strange, for a miser wouldn't sacrifice his wealth, so what about his life? But he realized that Hamad was never a miser, but rather cunning. Yusuf continued to ponder as if he discovered that understanding the calamity made it gentler.
They finally arrived at the hospital. Yusuf collapsed at its door, crying over what had happened to him. The doctor came out only a few minutes after taking Hamad into the operating room and said, "The rest is up to your lives."
Yusuf cried even more, only to find the police coming to arrest him and taking him out of the hospital calmly. Yusuf accepted that and left silently, sobbing. He didn't hear, as he was leaving with the police, Hamad's wife talking to one of the detectives outside. She heard Yusuf angrily calling and threatening her husband with severe punishment throughout the day if he didn't pay off his debt, but she hadn't heard the news of her husband's death yet.
Yusuf was taken to the police station, thinking that his case was just a car accident resulting in someone's accidental death. He believed that the resolution would follow the Arab tradition of "al-Atwa," where the family of the victim would demand blood money, often a social donation, and then the case would be closed as if nothing happened.
Yusuf was always against this tribal system and described this custom as the source of recklessness in driving. He had heard many drivers saying, "The price is a cup of coffee," meaning that if they hit someone on the street, the blood money would solve the issue, just like removing a hair from the dough, as if it never happened.
He was now facing the reality of this custom that he hated and criticized. However, for the first time, he realized the danger of assuming that everyone is inherently evil, as this "Atwa" had worked to save innocent lives and prevent the existence of some negative solutions.
Indeed, this was the same mindset that made some religious scholars lean towards extremism. They always assumed that everyone was as wicked as the worst among them. They even justified the prohibition of shaking hands with women, claiming it would arouse desire. Of course, their argument was weak.
How many women have been shaken hands with by men without any improper intentions? They knew well that many scholars had discussed the issue and affirmed the lack of valid evidence to prohibit such a gesture. However, one of the contemporary Hadith scholars of the early 21st century came forward and declared it as an authentic Hadith that forbids shaking hands with foreign women.
Yusuf saw a religious figure one day who was optimistic about the position of some extremist religious men regarding a particular issue, such as handshakes. He said, "How can people live in ignorance for centuries, not practising this Hadith because they considered it weak until one of them authenticated it? This matter needs to be reevaluated and logical reasoning should be applied because our religion is based on logic. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a true religion to follow or enforce."
"When I come out of this situation, with the help of Allah, I will launch a religious website and collaborate with reasonable scholars who are not extremists to spread the correct understanding of religion," Yusuf told himself.
He had enough funds to make this website widely known, but why do people only pay attention to such phenomena when it's too late or when they find themselves in a crisis? Shouldn't we promote positivity and assistance to the public in our Arab society, not just when someone is satisfied or faced with a calamity?
While engaged in this debate about religion with himself, as if he were in a war of words with the intellectuals of the nation, he heard a voice saying, "Come!"
"Just come? Where is the respect?" Yusuf turned back to talk to his conscience but remained motionless.
Nis's voice returned, saying, "It's evident that you don't care. I'm telling you to come."
Yusuf didn't care about the familiarity of this voice, but it was excessively familiar, even though what he had done was an unintentional hit-and-run accident. However, he wasn't looking for respect now. It was clear that whoever was calling him was driven by their morals with each repeated word. It was better to hurry and go to him before he changes his mind again.
Yusuf entered the office from where the voice had originated and said, "Yes, sir."
The man replied, "I am Inspector Abu Khalil. I want you to stop investigating fatigue, neither for yourself nor for me."
Yusuf answered, "Of course, sir."
-"Tell me why you killed Hamad?"
-"I killed him? ... No, sir. It was just an accident!"
-"I told you not to tire yourself as I won't tire you. Answer me truthfully, what is between you and him?"
-"Nothing, I swear there is nothing between me and him, sir! I was just going to take money from him, but he suddenly rushed towards me without noticing, and I accidentally hit him!"
-"His wife said something alarming. She said you threatened him with tribal disputes and told him that if he didn't pay, you would take another course of action."
-"Yes, sir. I confused him with another diversion, which was filing a legal complaint against him either to deny his rights and deny his friendship and existence or to make him confess so that I could obtain justice legally."
-"Don't speak sarcastically in my presence. I want to help you. Confess that you killed him instead of making you confess in our way."
-"You want me to confess? Is it that simple for you? Can't you accept even a single plea of innocence?"
Meanwhile, Yusuf remembered Hamad's words, "I'm sorry," and he didn't care if words could change a sinful person like him. He learned that his wife spoke before knowing about Hamad's death and falsely claimed that the accident was intentional, thinking that her husband would come out unscathed, and thus the story of this debt would end. But it had taken a different turn, leading to a complete disaster.
Compensation for excesses, a plan orchestrated by Hambooka Bin Al-Tarfani. Little did she know that he died, otherwise her reaction wouldn't have been a series of malicious acts after his death and a detestable commemoration.
While Yusuf was being interrogated, his intuition was accurate, but what's the use of revelations when you're threatened with execution? There, in the inspector's office, the doctor, Hamad's wife, revealed that it was a setup. She hadn't informed her until her brothers arrived to handle her in case she had a strong reaction. It was evident that she would need several men to restrain her from slapping her face and try to convince her to stop screaming.
She kept repeating, seemingly unaffected by anyone, "You killed two, not just one." The people present assumed she meant herself and her husband and that Yusuf was the killer. However, what she meant in her heart was that her husband killed her nephew and killed Yusuf because she blamed him for the part she played in the scheme.
In the interrogation room, Inspector Abu Khalil was persistently demanding that Yusuf confesses to his heinous crime as if these subtle pressures would directly lead to him being sent to the gallows. Abu Khalil rose from his chair, approached Yusuf closely, looked into his face, and said in a sinister and malevolent manner, "My turn is over now, and it's time for the interrogation to begin."
"Interrogation? Is that what you call it?" That's what Yusuf said as he looked into Abu Khalil's face, his eyes filled with confidence.
His mind suddenly exclaimed, "They must bring in a skilled psychologist to apply psychological pressure to verify the truth or lies. This method is far better than the shouting that Abu Khalil employed." Yusuf's naivety at times led him to strange thoughts, as he often indulged in moments of whimsicality.
The inspector left the office, and after a few moments, three men entered and escorted Yusuf to a distant room on the basement floor, away from the interrogation rooms. It was incredibly small, barely letting any light in because the window opening was extremely tiny. This was not what Yusuf expected; rather, it was chilling to an unbearable degree. Small water droplets were falling, one by one, in a rhythmic manner.
The shortest man told Yusuf, "You can sleep here."
Yusuf looked at them, his confusion evident on his face, and asked, "Isn't there a cover?"
The short man returned to answer, "When you sleep, we will bring you the best cover. Don't worry."
Youssef entered the narrow room, and the door closed behind him. He began to ponder the predicament he found himself in. He blamed his wife, as is typical of humans when they feel threatened. He accused her of being greedy, although all he had done was merely express his desire. He scolded her now, saying, "If you had thought of me even once before going to him, you would have reconsidered and waited until morning to meet in a public place."
The exhaustion of pondering wore Youssef down to the point where he stretched out, intending to sleep without noticing the discomfort surrounding him. And as soon as he closed his eyes, the sound of a water droplet hitting the ground woke him up again, causing him to look at what was happening.
Sleeping struggles resumed, with the problem now involving the water droplet. Every time he thought he was close to falling asleep, a tiny water droplet would disturb him, displaying the fragility of humans in situations where trivial things like a water droplet or a mosquito humiliate them.
What was strange about this droplet was that it only appeared as he started entering the sleep phase. He discovered the pattern: droplets fall at certain intervals, preventing him from getting accustomed to them and depriving him of sleep. It was a method used for interrogation, making the accused unable to sleep and thus vulnerable to confession.
Youssef tried to resist and believed that it would be just one challenging night. But the surprise was that today was the fourth night, and Youssef found himself living in this prison cell, with the scenario repeating itself: water droplets falling at night and light in the daytime, cold throughout the day, and endurance after repeated sleep deprivation.
This interrogation method is not usually employed in regular security agencies; it is an intelligence method. However, Youssef's misfortune led him into the hands of Abou Khalil, a former intelligence officer who was transferred to the clandestine investigation department, specializing in uncovering certain cases. Youssef is in a predicament where individuals shape the system, not the other way around.
Youssef can no longer count the days as they all seem the same, and when days become indistinguishable, he lives only for one day, even if his life were to extend to a thousand years.
The history written by the investigator is the only means he has to know the days when he reads it with his weary eyes, which can hardly endure more than a couple of seconds due to exhaustion and the repeated deprivation of sleep. He would attend every morning hearing the same statement, "I won't kill him. I threw my wife in front of the car."
It had been ten days and a few hours of little sleep, which finally made him collapse, with the investigator saying to him, "Confess, and then you can sleep well. You'll get a lawyer to defend you and get you out of the case. From my perspective, I believe you, but I can't disregard the testimony of the witnesses."
Youssef replied directly, even though his brain was completely shattered, "Witnesses? Is His wife considered a witness? Shouldn't all relatives be excluded from the game?"
The investigator asked, "Game?"
Youssef said, "Yes, a game. You have turned it into a game now by forcing me not to sleep to close the file and move on to another case. By the end of the year, they will say that Officer Whatshisname has excelled in closing so and so many cases."
The investigator said, "You are a killer and a liar."
Youssef replied, "I'm not a killer."
The investigator intentionally intensified the interrogation, as a sleep-deprived person's nerves become incapable of holding steady. At that moment, Youssef completely collapsed, and the investigator offered him the confession in exchange for sleep. Youssef believed him and declared his confession in exchange for sleep. Immediately after that, the case was swiftly transferred to the clandestine court, and things took a different turn.