So, you held your own for the longest time possible. Some things could have been better, of course, but some things could have been much worse as well. You see, once you stop pitying yourself, once you stop feeling bad for it, once you quit dwelling over the past, you realize that it really wasn't that bad. It's just that someone at the table had to have the losing cards.
The future was once a bright one, but now you're approaching the point where what's ahead is less than what is behind and it's getting lesser and lesser by the moment.
You have lived your life, understood your life, and got disappointed by your life. You finally succumbed to the fact that you're not special. You're not unique. This happens to everyone just like it has happened to you. It's just everyone's experience, every single person that has or will ever exist.
You're your mother, and father, you're your partner dying alone and painfully after obsessing about their health. You're meeting the same fate and you hardly cared about yours. It is everyone's journey. All that differs is the details here and there, but they don't really matter, do they?
When you look around and find yourself loved by fewer people each day when they stop caring, when they die, when they lose you, when you lose them like you have lost your smile, your innocence, light, hope, and positive outlook, when you let go and realize that no one cares and no one really ever did.
Then you start to lose yourself, piece by piece. Your characteristics slowly decrease. You're no longer as hopefully, as joyful, as happy, as insightful, as caring. Every trait in you starts to feel less, your purpose starts to feel more limited by the second, until it becomes just staring at thin air.
You look around at a given moment and you think about driving. But, you're not thinking of driving from somewhere, you're not thinking of driving somewhere, you're just thinking of driving as you recount your time. It's eight in the morning and you're alive, it's eight thirty and you're alive, it's eight thirty-one and you're gone.
You look around and at last, you spot a familiar face, not certain who it is, but it doesn't matter. You ask about everyone you ever knew to find out they're no longer around, some are dead, and some just left. You ask the familiar to sit with you for a second because you're feeling lonely and tired. So, you both sit for a moment in time. Still, you can't remember who that is.
You apologize for an instant in the past but it no longer matters. You look around the city and see the dreams in every window apartment knowing that all those thoughts are something you will never know and that's when you learn the truth as you regret not taking that one work day off. You apologize to the face for disappointing them, they smile back and say it is the opposite and that you made them proud.
You ask for permission to put your head on their shoulder and you just ponder everything as you tell them you love them. And it is at that moment, as a bright white starts to take over, as you get an epiphany and it all starts to make, as you say how it all...
... you die