Chasing Threads In My Storm, Part III

What Did It Matter, Now? Seriously, for quite some time, he was closed off, only depending on himself. His parents, his so called friends, none of them. NONE could be trusted. Then, he found HER. And he opened up. Finally, he opened up and look what it got him? All his life, he tried to be the good guy. Tried to give himself to others, tried to do the right thing. He loved making his fiancé happy. He loved her, and loved giving himself to her. He THOUGHT she did as well, but clearly, he was wrong. Look what it got him? So, he left. He played his game on the wide open sea.

He played a game with Poseidon and lost, that day. And look what it got him? For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt good. An amazing night’s sleep. And he truly enjoyed giving himself. Throwing his whole body and heart into making someone else feel good. It was at his core, and for months on end, he had denied it. Last night, yesterday, even this morning, he spent his whole being pleasing someone else. And it made him whole again.

Four Amazing Nights

After four nights, my mind was floating. The months long storm was finally clearing. I woke this morning and thought of my fiancé, and realized, this was the first time in three days I thought of her. Or my family. Anyone that had betrayed me, really. I vowed then and there, I would change. Sure, I would be hurt. Had been and probably would again. But I would no longer let it rule me. I would always remember… Never forget, what happened. BUT, I thought, I forgive her. She lost me!

This woman, her soft, flowing, curls of red hair, and her deep laugh? She had held me, nursed me, slept with me. She had caressed me, taken me, and made love to me. She told me, over and over, it was me. Not some ghost of hers. It was me, not some fantasy. She told me I was an idiot and an amazing man. She told me I was worth it. And my fiancé? My EX-fiancé? She was the world’s biggest idiot, for letting me go. This woman, that I woke up with, her arms and legs wrapped around me, each morning, had awakened in me, a true sense of self. This is who I was. A man worth loving. A man who cared, and gave, and felt. A man who loved.

Three Long Weeks

“shhh….”
That was all it took for him to say, and my body responded. We both knew, I started it, when I was nursing him back from Hypothermia. But hours later, it was him, shushing me… his mouth made that sound. His eyes sparkled, and he had me. Now, like some Pavlovian response, I would hear him say it, and see his eyes slowly close, and feel his touch and my whole body succumbed to his.

In him, I had somehow come alive again. After the years I spent drifting in my error at posing my man in a war, I was coming out of my sadness, and feeling again. Imagine? Finding a cold, almost lifeless body floating in the water and THAT brought warmth back into my own life!

How much had changed, and yet, seemed so familiar. We were inseparable it seemed. I wanted all my days to be with Nick… no longer The Stranger. And for most of our days, we were.

Every once in a while, I would look and see his thousand yard stare. He was there, across the table, or on the same couch, and yet, his mind was somewhere else. His eyes were staring a thousand yards away. I knew it, and he would too, when he realized it. It was the worst day of my life, when I sat him down and told him, “We NEED to talk.”

No guy likes that phrase, and it never proceeds anything good. But I was NOT going to live my life like this.

Two Cannot Fit In Your Heart

“We NEED to talk.”
It stopped me cold. No guy ever wants to hear that. Because, nothing good EVER comes from that phrase. I looked at her… her laugh was gone, no sparkle, no joy in her eyes. Her fiery red hair, too, seemed duller. As if hair could somehow reflect mood, too? She looked scared.

“OK…” came from my mouth, in an almost automatic response. “Is this a coffee, or cocktail kind of talk?” I dreaded the next answer. Coffee would mean less harsh things, and Cocktail would mean, prepare for the worst. I had been expecting this, for weeks now, to be honest. I mean, here I was, finally opening up, letting my guard down and now, another woman was about to rip my heart to shreds again.

“Water, for both of us.” That was unexpected.

She sat down at my tiny kitchenette table. She told me her story of her man, and being killed overseas, while serving. I had heard the broad brush strokes before. She filled in a lot more, tonight. She told me about her life, the past few years, going through the motions, closed off. And she brought it around to me, and the day I wandered into her place. She asked me to wait, before speaking. Let her finish.

Finally, she got to the last few weeks. Us. In bed. In town. In life. She stopped talking and looked me in my own eyes, and said, “I love you.” And burst into tears. My mind was flying everywhere and the one sentence I never expected was to hear “I love you.” I admit, I do not understand the first thing about women. Not my Ex, not my first girlfriends, not any of them, much less this older, stunning red head. I knew how to make her smile. I knew how to please her, and make her laugh. But what makes her tick?

“We need to talk" is never followed by “I love you.” I have fallen in love with someone else. I met someone. I am going to date someone else. I hate you. I am leaving you. Many things, but “I love you?” No. I opened my mouth and she said, “shhhh.” With a finger to my lips. She continued, “I am not done talking.”

She wanted me to decide, what was she to me, and me to her. She told me I kept drifting in my mind, and that I was still ‘hung up’ on Jenna. She said, I needed to forgive her and move on. I waiting, looking and she nodded.

One Way Or Another

I agreed. I told her I needed to go out for a bit and clear my head. She nodded, and went home. Walking down to the Marina, I realized exactly what I wanted.

Two Seconds and My Heart Ached Again

When Jenna opened the door, I felt it, in two seconds. She was stunned, totally shocked at me, standing at her door. Two seconds for her face to go from stunned, to shock, to smiling, to joy. I had loved this woman for so long. I had given her my heart. We had so much history. Clearly, there was still love there, in both of us.

Three Steps

She took three steps into my arms, and starting crying. My arms instantly held her. I am not sure, three minutes? Three hours? it seemed to go on forever. Her sobs, finally quieted, and she whispered, "I am sorry."

Four, For Another Life Shattered

"Oh, Jenna, I forgive you." and she started crying again. We moved inside her apartment, and sat at the couch. She told her story, who and how she found out. She told of seeing my face, crestfallen and in shock. I told her, my side. Betrayal. Shock. anger, pain, upon pain. Utter Devastation. I told her of my game with Poseidon. My bargains. My final loss. The utter cold, overcoming my body. And awakening, again.

Neither of us glossed over, how we spent our time, recovering. It took no more than a few hours, and I stood. She did too, and we moved for a hug.

EPILOGUE

She was shocked when I was back at her door, not a couple of days later.

“I’ve decided. Pack your things.” Her face fell. “... and, NO… not that, I mean pack a bag, we’re going together. To explore. to chase more time together. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks and Months. Years and years. After everything?

"You. Me. Together, Forever. I am not spending any more time apart. Oh, two things: pack enough for a few weeks. We’ll be taking a little trip, on my boat.

I reached into my pocket, and grabbed the ring I placed there. Her face was shocked, still, for three full seconds, before her deep breath, and a gasp. Four times she kissed me. A scream in between each soft kiss on my lips. Five minutes later, she and I were both naked.

Ten hours later, and we were on our way.

We were chasing Infinity… life, together, forever. Me, and My Soft, Sensuous Red-Haired Fiancé.

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