This is my response to the Dreem-WOTW ENTROPY coupled with three (plus one) of my favorites tunes. I hope you like it as I tried to go through the backdoor in regards to what "Chaos" could mean.
And you can participate too. Meanwhile, do not hesitate to share your favorite tunes for the week and tag @ablaze.
"Kara"
Kara turned, after wiping off the tears quickly with the sleeves of her dress. Her short black hair swayed a little with the movement. With a deep breath, she walked out of the kitchen with the brightest smile.
"William." She called, hugging the young man affectionately. William smiled at her, oblivious to the woman who was just bawling her eyes out.
"Still up for the bond fire? Sally and Mane have gotten the whole supplies. You just have to come looking pretty. As always."
Kara giggled, smacking him lightly on the arm, "of course. I was actually packing up."
William eyed her, "Packing? What for?"
She rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"Men. So oblivious. I'd have to keep this beauty going, silly. Jeez. Can you be more stupid?"
William smirked, his hands going around her waist. His blonde hair shiny from too much hair products. Kara stiffened a little but willed herself to relax, letting herself go because he was William. He was every girl's dream.
"I'm always stupid when it comes to you. Parents still out of town?"
"Yeah. They'll be back in a week. But that is what they said last week too. So who knows?" She drew circles on his pecs with the tip of her index.
"Okay babe. Mine may not even come back. That'll be better and save me the stress of having to wonder if I should throw a party or not. It'll be better if they just crashed or something."
Kara smacked him hard on his chest, pushing him away.
"You know for a smart guy, you're unbelievably stupid. And mean. They're your parents."
William scoffed and folded his arms, "Whatever you say babe. I'll come pick you at 7pm. We make the grand entrance." He walked to her and smacked a kiss on her lips, turning and leaving.
Kara stood. Her whole body and mind resisting against attending this party. She had attended a lot during high school and now that she would be leaving for college, she didn't feel as keen as she did then with breaking the rules. Her body trembled slightly and her hands turned to fists as she fought tears that poured. The house echoed her cries. Kara slid to the ground, bringing her arms around herself.
William walked into the mansion in a bad mood. Kara would not understand what it was like to have parents who weren't much of parents. But then again, she might. He'd seen the red rims of her eyes but he'd chosen to ignore because consoling anyone has never been his fort. He doesn't know how to.
He made his way into the dining room that was situated in the kitchen. The one for the helps in the house. As he expected, Maria, was just dishing out lunch. The fifty something year old with graying hair plaited in a long braid was more of a mother than his ever was. He'd just taken a seat when Julio, her husband and the Gardner walked in wiping his hands.
"Ahh. William. My boy. You're home."
William smirked,
"I'm always home at this time, peasant. You're not that dumb."
"William!" Maria chastised, giving him a scathing look. Julio however let out a boisterous laugh. It was like a common thing between them now, but Maria would always bite his head off when Julio never seemed to mind. Julio joined William, seating at the head of the table, with William at his left.
"I don't know why you encourage him. I should smack him with this spatula." Maria harrumphed.
William smiled warmly at the woman, the cold edges of his eyes melting,
"Oh Maria. I don't think you can bear to hurt me at all."
Maria looked at the boy she'd practically raised and hissed. She put the jug on the table and sat at Julio's right.
"Say grace." She told William who scowled.
"It's Julio's turn. I said grace yesterday." He argued
Julio snickered but quickly killed it when Maria turned her sharp eyes towards him. William groaned but went ahead to put his hands together and bowed his head,
"We're thankful for this food on the table and the source. And we're thankful for this family. Amen."
William raised his head and immediately began to dish out his food, deliberately ignoring the stares he got from his parent's workers. He knew what he was saying when he called them family. He was tired of lying to himself. They were more of a family than his parents- wherever they were at this period.
William and Kara walked out into the open where the camp fire had started. The music was a clear indicator of the party that had started it the flimsy clad girls didn't give it away. The beach was silent save for the adolescence flooding the shore and those brave enough to go into the water.
Kara felt a headache coming on. She wanted no more than to go home but she couldn't. A quick glance at William and she saw the scowl on his face. He seemed to be in a bad mood.
"Everything okay?" She asked
"Hm. Just don't know if I even want to stay here."
Kara blinked at him. What was he saying?
"You what now?"
William just closed his eyes and took a deep breath at the same time one of the other youth in a bikini called out to both of them. Kara turned and waved back but then remained intent on William after.
"I don't even have the energy to listen to Justin talk about his smash or pass right now. Or Mane brag about his affair with his stepmom. And the last thing I want is grasshopper Sally who doesn't read the room."
Kara watched bewildered. She didn't know what had come over William but she was tired of trying too. The constant shopping, the partying, impressing those around her, people who were not even her friends was exhausting. She was tired of putting a lid on her feelings. Tired of going to an empty house. Tired of pretending. Tired of not being able to look in the mirror. She was tired of the diet, the stupid conversations and the constant bickering and gossip. She didn't know what but she wanted more. Something away from this vain life her parents provided and left her to.
William brought her out of her thoughts when he turned and began to walk back to the car.
"Wait. I'll come with you."
William turned to look at her with hard eyes, "Why?"
"Because. I don't want to be here either but I don't want to go home. I don't want to..."
I don't want to be alone.
She swallowed hard. She didn't know if she wanted to tell him. He may just laugh at her. This was William. Who knows what's come over him but he couldn't have just changed over night.
"Can I just come with you?" She asked instead. William stared at her before he gave a nod. Together they left.
William put a finger to his lips when they got to his kitchen doorway, making Kara raise her brow. Before she could ask him what he was doing, he'd left her to startle an oblivious Maria who screamed murder, throwing her napkin at him.
William laughed while Maria scolded him, Kara watched amazed. This was William? He'd never laughed in the group. He only smirked or chuckled. He never gave such carefree laughter.
"You brought your girlfriend?" Julio's voice woke her from her stupor. The man gave her a warm smile and waved for her to come in. Three pairs of eyes watched her movements. William looked slightly uncomfortable and she wondered why.
"Hi. I'm Kara." She said
"Hello. I'm Maria. That's my husband Julio. We are –"
"They are my family." William cut off Maria because he knew very well what she'd say and they were nothing less than family to him.
Kara took in the low quality clothes on the two and the fact that Maria was wearing an apron. She very well knew that they weren't family but William...she looked at him to see his eyes hard on her. She understood. She nodded.
She walked in and took Maria in a hug,
"William has been holding out on me. You're a beautiful woman, Maria."
Maria smiled softly while William was momentarily stunned. He could have sworn she'd behave like a spoiled brat. He was a spoiled brat but he knew she was way more spoiled. Or could he have been wrong?
Kara joined them for dinner that night. For the first time in a long while, she didn't have to pretend. Maria and Julio gave her a sense of security that she couldn't understand. When it was finally time for her leave, she dreaded it. But she didn't want to impose, so she said her goodbyes and let William lead her by the hand.
When they got to the driveway, William said,
"You know. You can spend the night here. In a separate room of course. Maria would kill me if we tried sneaking around." He laughed.
Kara observed him, "You're happy." She pointed.
William stayed quiet a while.
"Happiness is something eh? You don't even know if you're truly happy or not. I don't know if I'm happy Kara. But I'm content."
Kara blinked at him, "Wow. Since when did you talk like a wise old man?"
William shook his head with a sad smile, "My parents are never in town. They're always away. I hardly ever get to see them but I'm content. I do wish they'd pay more attention to me though but it's a little too late for that. I'll be going off to college soon. And frankly, this isn't what I want anymore. Maria and Julio, they raised me. So I'm content."
Kara nodded, "I'd like to stay over. I don't want to be alone tonight."
There. She said it. She didn't think she could take another one of those nights alone. Once again, she let William lead her back into his house, admitting to herself that she wasn't happy or content. She wanted something beyond just waking up. She wanted to not have to try...
With her hand linked in William's, his warmth seeping into her, she smiled to herself. Maybe she didn't have to try at all. Maybe someone could be there when she'd exhausted her energy. Maybe she could trust someone after all to pick up the pieces.
The End
The chaos we tend to overlook is always the one inside us. Yesterday, I admitted to someone in the comments that I hated sitting with my thoughts because it was really painful. And I was asked if I ever thought that not sitting with our thoughts might be what makes us unfit. Maybe. Facing those voices and doubts requires a special kind of tenacity. And I guess that is what makes great people. People who'd face that chaos and disorder created by their unstable mind and finally emerge victorious.
Overall, I wouldn't leave an authors note but I really liked how this thing wrecked my brain. Woke up really early thinking about what could happen if I spent more time with my thoughts, filtering them. Perhaps I'd move up to the next level in mind management. Hahaha.
I leave you with this parting song. To everyone who feels that they always have to try. You should know that it is totally okay to not always try all the time.
Frankly, I am talking to myself at this point. If you read this far, thank you!
All Videos shared in this post are linked to their sources. No form of violation was intended.
Image by Cottonbro Studios and edited on Canva
© June 2023|| Deraaa
Image by Cottonbro Studios and edited on Canva
© June 2023|| Deraaa