Yesterday I wasn't doing so well. To be honest, the things which were stressing me yesterday haven't exactly dissolved and worked out. Instead, someone who means the world to me stepped up to help at least alleviate a great deal of the burden I've been experiencing. Apparently, I mean a lot to this person. I've written about her previously. I will be doing so much more.

Obviously, I'm referring to Tammy. Tammy and I have yet to meet as adults. We last saw each other at our eighth grade graduation dance. I don't recall if we spoke or hung out at all after that; if so, it wasn't long until we parted ways unintentionally for the next three plus decades.

Just about a month ago we initiated some sort of relationship. We agreed that we would be friends first and foremost and that we would go out of our way and bend over backwards to maintain a friendship for the remainder of our lives. I believe in some respects I can speak for her, and she will undoubtedly read this post; she's always welcome to correct me or ask me to make any edits she wishes. The relationship we have has developed into something I can only describe as being beyond romantic. To me, it's far more than being attracted and wanting to get in each others' pants. Of course, there's that too, lol.

She and I are both nearing fifty. We're the same age, just days apart. We're not old. We're also not inexperienced in so many respects. We've both been through our fair share of ups and downs, starting from early childhood. We've both been madly in love before, we've also both experienced extreme toxicity and traumatic losses. And although we are both survivors and have been hardened by life on some levels, we are also human. We are creatures of emotion. We crave connection and affection. We have a mutual desire for the peace of mind which comes with routine and the mundane. I think it's safe to say we both prefer the trickle of oxytocin to the surges of cortisol so often associated with navigating the world around us and dealing with those we are surrounded by.

Neither her nor I have chosen an easy path. She is a supervising clinical social worker for highly traumatized people. I'm still following my dream of having a successful lucrative career as a content creator and entrepreneur. We've both dealt with recent significant life changes including breakups and death. In my opinion, the biggest difference is that she took certain things serious earlier on in young adulthood that I often wish I had. Things like holding down a secure job, saving money, owning property. For me, those are things that I only began to tackle after spending time in jail, having two kids and going to college at almost forty years of age. It is an area in which I have fallen short.

One thing I know for sure is that when Tammy says she loves me and she has my back, she fucking means it. I know this because I tried hard to avoid letting on that I was going through some serious shit. I tried hard to find some other means to make it through a very rough patch. I tried to do everything but turn to her for help so as not to burden her with my problems. And what I learned from that is that I was just being suborn and stupid. I suppose some part of me was underestimating how strong the bond Tammy and I have formed from a distance truly is. Not that I don't feel it myself. I would drop everything and slay a thousand fire breathing dragons for her, or I would die trying.

Tammy has quite literally saved me from falling into a serious rut and continuing to see the world as a dark and lonely place. She insists I've done the same for her. I believe her. I know it to be true. Again, we have yet to hug, kiss and hold hands with our grownup bodies. We never even kissed when we were kids. Yet, the sound of her voice over the phone and a text of sweet nothings sends a warmth and tingles rippling through every literal fiber of my being all the way to depths of my soul I had no idea existed.

Oh sure I've been in love before. I've experienced the kind of puppy love that makes you think you can't breathe without someone. I also spent over a decade with the mother of my children in a monogamous commitment. And that is precisely how I know what Tammy and I have is something more than any of that. There is a deeply rooted bond that she and I believe has allowed us to find our way back to one another after so many years. And knowing what I know about universal laws of attraction and power, I must accept it to be true.

Neither her nor I were actively seeking anyone let alone each other. Social media connected our proverbial dots a few years ago, but that was as far as it went. I'll admit when I first saw her face pop up in my browser, I felt something. I didn't think it was anything more than a pleasant surprise to see one of the few faces from my childhood that I associate with nothing but pleasant memories. I recalled the walks to school, the times we hung out in the neighborhood and the time she kissed her finger and touched it to my lips.

I never imagined my blog would be a place where I express and profess my love for a woman whom I want to grow old with. I want to be with her until I can no longer get it up and her boobs sag to the ground (I kinda stole this from her, lol). When I asked her if she would start a Hive blog with me so that we may write about our adventures falling more and more in love with each passing day, I wasn't sure she would go for it. She has expressed to me that is something she looks forward to starting in April when we will surely become inseparable. I know we will write a killer blog. Until then, I will count the seconds with growing eagerness and my arms aching to embrace Tammy.