I didn't finish school. I was in college for only 3 semesters. It was also the time when my disease is coming to its peak. Pain occurs and remains each day most specially in my legs. I needed more years to discover that my bones are breaking, literally, by itself. Ecruciating pain haunts me from the moment I wake up. Well, honestly, I wasn't able to sleep back then. I was in denial despite the agony. What breaks my heart more is not the physical pain, but the truth of losing all I have worked for -- passing a premiere University, having scholarships, and a step closer of achieving a life I'm dreaming of.
I was willing to work even harder. I was selling anything during my free days to make both ends meet. I applied as a tutor for additional monies. But all my efforts were futile. I lost the battle against my disease.
Left with no other choice, I have to give up studies. My world revolve around it for I believe it is the only key to reach my goals.
Letting go was a major struggle. It was worsen by the voices around me saying, "sayang"; that single word echoes. It reverberates down into the inner fiber of my flesh. It rottens my bones. It decays my soul. I hear people say "sayang" but with a snare... with a grin. It is as if they are happy of my fall.
My disease progressed and catalyzed my despair. Back then, I thought I lost everything. There is no way out. But, I was wrong.
I do not know how I was able to came back to world after more than a decade of hybernation. I just didn't know where or how to start. However, some things are clear. I need to find the answer to all my "what ifs".
I tried opportunites that came in -- MLM, blogging, freelancing, employment and all things I can do with what I can only do -- opportunities that defies my personality.
During those trials, I felt I was in school again. Im learning but not inside a campus. Im gaining life lessons, social skills and self-realizations.
My beliefs where deeply rooted but I have to unlearn most of it to let the new knowledge penetrate. One step at a time, I received answers to all maybes, if onlys and what ifs.
If only we were not poor maybe I could finished schooling... maybe my disease was treated early.
What if I didn't acquire this genetic disease, deapite being poor I could have done more.
Maybe I have all my dreams fulfilled at a young age, if only that dark stage of my life didnt happen.
All of these were product of comparison. I was comparing my life to other people most especially of my age group, not knowing that the universe has a different plan for me.
FIVE years since I courageously embark an impossible journey of rising up. I was alone. I travelled the path unwanted by all, not by choice but of circumstance. Until, I decided to stand and get out of that circumtance that imprisoned me. I really have an option to be a victim or victor. It is the bravery to defy what is at hand and have self-love.
As of now, I have nothing...no material posessions to flaunt... no success story to tell. It is because, I have my own fight. I have other possessions more valuable than material things. I have a story not of success but of perseverence. I have a story of determination. I have a story of faith.
A story that will not matter. A story unknown.
As days unfold and we unravel the next chapter of our lives, a story is in its fulfillment. Whether or not it flows according to our plans, the story must go on. How we view every scene to be beneficial to our own well-being is crucial.
Your story can be a boxed office, an open book to everyone. It can be a flop that no one buys a ticket to view it. Whatever it is, that person who sees the story in all possible perspective...that person who wrote every scene and every angle... that person who is also the pivotal character will leave the movie house in peace, with no regrets.
As he closes the last chapter he utters, "it was a wonderful story and I love the happy ending.
