This is what I heard a dad tell his son at Walmart today.
What does "drawing a line in the sand mean"?
"Drawing a line in the sand" is another way of saying that someone has created a boundary that needs to be followed/obeyed/observed, and if that boundary is crossed, then there will be consequences.
Although you never would expect someone to draw an actual line in actual sand, the phrase's origins might have included real lines and sand.
According to The Word Dective, there are two possibilities:
- William Barret Travis (Alamo, Texas, 1836) was credited with drawing a line in the sand and urging any man who wanted to stay and fight to cross the line. The men who crossed the line encountered grave consequences - Santa Anna's army.
- Roman Senator Popillius Laenas was credited with drawing a line around a Macedonian king attempting to invade Egypt. The King was told he must surrender before crossing the line. The King did not want to incur the wrath of the Roman empire, so he withdrew.
So what does this have to do with the man at Walmart?
The conversation went something like this.
Boy: I want to go see over there.
Dad: What do you want to see?
Boy: Candy!!!
Dad: No, I am not buying you candy. I already bought you cookies and cereal and a Nerf gun. I am drawing a line in the sand. No candy.
Just saying you are drawing a line does not mean that you are protecting a boundary
You could not see the smile on my face (because I was masked), but I was grinning from ear to ear.
I don't know all of the other conversations between the man and his son in the store. But based on the small part of the conversation I heard, I am not completely sure that the son learned any lessons regarding BOUNDARIES today.
Boundaries and limits are something that must be expressed, as well as inforced. Just saying there is a boundary does not mean that one really exists.
Four boundaries every family should observe (in my opinion)
Boundaries that protect the spousal relationship
I love my kiddos so much, but my wife is my first love, and I need to guard my relationship with her. There are moments I steal away with just my wife, and there are important conversations that I need to have with just her.
Even with half a dozen kiddos, I want/need to protect my marriage and my relationship with my beautiful bride.
Boundaries regarding screen time/devices
We live in a world that is increasingly addicted to devices and the internet. We are "connected" but not!
It is safe to say that every tech company has an agenda regarding its services and platforms, and I bet that it does not always match up with your family's goals.
Recommendation: Watch The Social Dilemma once and then watch it with your kids (if age appropriate).
Boundaries regarding relationships with other people
Do you have a family member who wants hugs, but you have a little one who does not want to give them? Do you have a kiddo who has literally never met a stranger and that scares you a bit? Do you have a neighbor, like the man in Home Alone who is scraping the sidewalk, that bugs you out a little bit?
Life is about knowing/learning how to interact with others. A part of parenting is showing healthy interaction with people we call family and friends and those we have just met.
Boundaries regarding consumption
I know that we may disagree about what is right or wrong to consume, but I hope we all want to protect our children from addictive tendencies.
For example, there are generally accepted guidelines about what should be eaten. A diet consisting of only sugar and high fructose corn syrup may taste good, but it will wreak havoc on the body.
Over the last couple of years, our family has become rather lactose intolerant. Some of our favorite foods don't settle well with our stomachs. We are in the process of finding safe substitutions and changing our eating habits. Our boundaries look different now.
Not to mention consumption issues like portion sizes and tobacco, alcohol, and drugs.
Final Thoughts
Parenting is a dance of both actions and words. Our children are first to see our hypocrisy and our success. As we develop boundaries for our children (and often with our children), we provide structure for their lives. This is important in a world that is constantly changing.
Even more important is helping our children learn to develop and live out their own boundaries.
Boundaries can be good. Boundaries should be evaluated and changed as necessary. Boundaries are both actions and words.
I want to hear from you.
What is a boundary that you strongly protect in your family?
Thanks for stopping by!
@Sumatranate