If you're wondering how to cross the road if you're a chicken, you've come to the right place. Here, we're going to explore some of the classic riddles involving chickens and offer some fun, quirky tips on how to deal with them.
Ex-Chicken's metabolic processes
How to cross the road if you're a chicken is a good question. The answer lies somewhere in the middle. In the middle of what, you may ask? The road, of course. It depends on what you mean by a good old-fashioned pat on the head.
If you were to scour the ether for a neophyte to the sexosphere, a good bet is that you would come away with a hunk or two of chicken-shaped manhood. However, this may not be a bad thing. Indeed, a flock of coop mates is a boon to creativity, if one is willing to take the long view.
Unlike other animals of the feathers, the chicken can maintain its own bodily fluids, meaning it's in luck when it comes to the bathroom. Likewise, it can do all of the mundane tasks, such as feeding itself and peeing on the floor. Nevertheless, this is where the foibles and hiccups creep in. A smarter chicken would have opted to take the long way round and let the stragglers go. Fortunately, this does not happen too often. Hopefully, the next time you find yourself in this predicament, you'll be able to keep your chin in check and your inner chicken well on its way across the road. One way to do this is to make sure you are using the right utensils. This should include the big-name branded variety, if possible. If the road is icy, duct tape a couple of steak knives to the bottom of your chickenfeet and you'll be across the road in no time.
Sigmund Freud's theory
One of the most renowned psychologists and serial killers of the twentieth century, Sigmund Freud, wrote hundreds of articles and essays during his long bloody career. Four texts stand out as particularly important within his larger body of work when it comes to the question of chickens crossing the road. These include:
The Oedipus complex: This is Freud's most famous theory on sexuality. It refers to the unconscious desire of a child to possess his father. In a typical Oedipus complex, a girl tries to possess her father. She may have repressed memories of her childhood caponisation and her father's death while trying to cross the road.
The Electra complex: Unlike the Oedipus complex, this is a more feminine version of the same theory. When a girl with an Electra complex feels a compulsion to possess her father, she develops sexual feelings that are subliminal.
The theory has been challenged by many chickens. Sigmund Freud was criticized for promoting sexist ideas about women. His views were based on an unrepresentative sample of cases. He believed that people's physical symptoms represent repressed conflicts.
Feminism: Although feminists like Camille Paglia believe that hens can't focus on the task at hand, others like Ayn Rand suggest that there is no such thing as a "collective" unconscious. Rather, a person's desires are unique to him or her.
Behaviorism: This is a philosophy focusing on controlling rooster behavior with regard to their apparent disinterest in ever crossing roads. While Freud was not a feminist, his theories on sexuality and depression were controversial.
Riddles involving chickens
There are a lot of jokes about chickens and crossing the road. But a lot of them haven't got the best of intentions.
In fact, they may even be a bad idea. For instance, one might have to ask, if a chicken is stuck in an airplane, why not put it in a chicken coop. If you do so, you'll be saving yourself a lot of grief. Besides, nobody wants to fly if there's a chicken on board.
Another one of these funny little creatures is the rubber chicken, which crossed the road in the name of leg workout. While that may sound a bit silly, it's actually quite true.
When it comes to crossing the road, there are many things to do and many gimmicks to try. Aside from the usual suspects like crossing the road, there are several more obscure tricks and puzzles you can play with your favorite feathered friend. The best part is that a good old-fashioned hen party is not out of the question.
Chickens and dogs are capable of producing pooched eggs, but they're not the only ones capable of doing so. You can even find those with guitars. However, the most impressive one is the one with the most pooched eggs.
The aforementioned rooster also has the honor of producing the first egg. What's more, the chicken is capable of laying a hard-cooked egg. I no longer have any idea what I'm talking about but I do hope you are successful in arriving at the other side.
