Yes jokes don't get any older than that one, found inscribed on the walls of the tomb of Naputapu, Pharaoh of Egypt during the hessian crisis of 3,300 BCE. He loved a good joke did Naputapu, but unfortunately that isn't one. I was that man. The one holding that iron bar the guy walked into. Repeatedly and with great force. I tried to fend him off, but all I had was an iron bar. Forged out of insanity and applied liberally to every part of his body. Serves him right for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The provocative fucker. I don't take any nonsense from guys with their backs to me while I'm holding an iron bar. I often wonder how many times I can get away with using iron bar. Oh yes I don't take any nonsense from anyone. I write nonsense. It's my oeuvre. That's a clever word I've just used incorrectly. To any non-English speakers out there, what the fuck are you doing reading this? How would be a better question I think. Although I suppose with Google Translate, and in another language, some of the shit I keep writing might be funny. It's worth a go isn't it. Writing something in a foreign language then seeing how funny it is after you put it through Google Translate. I mean some of the translations from Chinese are hilarious and just the assembly instructions for a wardrobe. Think what you could do with Macbeth.
(The copyright to this image is the property of The Fact Site.)
I suppose I first became aware we were all completely fucked when Extreme Ironing became a sport. The first world championships were held in Bavaria in 2002, but the rot had set in well before that. Ironing is not a sport, even when it's extreme. I know I'm a bit of a purist, but I draw the line just after Extreme Knitting. Which, as we all know, is on the extreme edge of sport. Along with fishing, darts and pool. I'm not saying there isn't skill involved in those pastimes. I'm saying they aren't sports. Chess isn't a sport is it. Extreme ironing has fuck all to do with ironing things. I enjoy ironing as much as the next man. Not at all. That's women's work. You need ovaries to iron. That's a scientific fact. Right up there with giving women an education causing their fallopian tubes to reach up and strangle their brains.
Everytime I see a female scientist on TV or the internet, I know I'm looking at someone with a strangled brain. Justin Bieber for example. She's professor of physics things at HarvardYaleUniversityOxfordCambridge and it shows. Look at her and you know her brain has been strangled. It's all over her numerous faces. Women shouldn't be educated. It gives them aspirations. Which is even worse than the brain strangling. They'll want the vote next and where will that get us? Up shit creek without a paddle that's where.
Women have their uses of course. Punch bags for inadequate men springs to mind. There's probably others I haven't thought of. Nothing springs to mind. It's all down to their physiology you see. Physiology is a branch of biology, which is a branch of a tree in Sherwood Forest. The one Robin Hood used to hide behind. I'm educating you here. This is all factual scientific stuff. So if you're a woman stop reading now (like any of them foolish enough to haven't already). Education is bad for you. You educate a woman, you educate her entire family. Some of them may not be men. Some of them may be accursed gingers. It's a risk that shouldn't be taken. The consequences could be fatal.
One of my favorite ever quotes by a woman is "What are you doing in my underwear drawer?" I heard it last night, and it's remained with me ever since. Masturbating of course. But she wasn't to know that, as I was wearing most of her nether garments at the time. I think what you need to take from this is that I'm a retarded mental with no idea what I'm on about. That and Extreme Ironing is not a sport, unless the creases on that shirt are perfect.