Binarisms
While I work on deconstructing my beliefs about everything in general, I realize that sometimes I fall from one extreme to another, or I think that to avoid something you have to do something else that also hurts: that is called binarism. Things are not white or black, but there are thousands of ways to do everything, to see everything.
I have many problems that I'm overcoming, but the one that reflects the most insecurities is love. In love, I gather my little confidence in myself, my emotional dependence, my lack of self-esteem, my fear of being alone, that they leave me.
I understand and I'm going overcoming the need to do everything as a couple, the need to know what the other does, need security in the commitment.
I understand that I need to listen and value myself, and find both happiness and self-confidence.
Sometimes I hear criticism of monogamy that makes me think that I am still very strange. What for having an open mind, being aware of social constructions or being a feminist should hate monogamy.
But I can not hate her because it's how I feel. I am unable to feel interest for another person when I am in love. Once, after a few years, a "this guy is cool" yes I thought. Nothing else.
It is also true that with the mess of cats and new work I have no desire for almost anything or time.
Maybe it's that, time. Maybe over time you feel like exploring. Perhaps simply opening up to more people is difficult.
Perhaps breaking the clichés of romantic love does not necessarily mean getting involved with more people. But simply stop idealizing your partner, stop depending on others, stop sinking because of insecurities. Stop putting the leash on people, because yes: you can choose to be with only one person, the bad is not the number, it is the control.
I find it hard to leave this mechanism of wanting to fit into molds, of wanting to follow rules. Leave the idea that there are already marked paths and I simply have to choose one.
Well, I do not feel like meeting people, but to whom it is necessary to know is myself. Maybe being as I am and feeling as I feel away from certain people, and is sad .... And it's hard for me to think about myself before other things, but in the end there will always be people like me, wanting the same as me.
I'm afraid to meet because I'm afraid of losing people, when I know that the most important thing is me ...
That is going to deconstruct romantic ideas, to think about oneself, to take care of oneself and to look for healthy relationships with people who add up in our life. It is not going to stop behaving in one way to behave in another, it is not about what is right and what is wrong, it is not about "what needs to be done".
It goes of emotional independence and goes of happiness. And sometimes, being happy seems absurdly complicated.