Did you have an idea as to your own identity when you were a child?
You probably, like me, changed your mind from week to week or maybe even from day to day. Did that affect you at all?
Probably not.
You were a child after all and full of imagination with infinite possibilities. You could be anything from day to day and that was okay, no one, including yourself, judged for it.
Now though, you’re an adult.
You have a J-O-B. As adults we often become our job titles, don't we?
In the classic Martin Scorsese movie Taxi Driver, the protagonist is having a conversation with another taxi driver. This other taxi driver states emphatically: A man takes a job and that becomes what he is...you do a thing and that's what you are...you get a job, you become the job. Your job is your identity, that’s it.
When I became an adult, I learned just how ingrained this type of thinking, this philosophy of being is ingrained in our culture, in its very fabric.
My first job out of college taught me this lesson very well.
I was a police officer and for three years, I fulfilled that job role and took on that persona because that was what was expected of me.
People treated me based on their perception of what a police officer is supposed to be. I am this job and this job is me.
However, in the back of my mind, there was always a voice telling me that this was a lie.
The voice told me I was many things and when I put on my uniform, I was just an actor completing a gig, a paid movie role.
When I became a psychotherapist, it was really no different. I was expected to act a certain way, say certain things. I was expected to wear a uniform as well, albeit a subtler one. The voice was still there though, telling me I had merely changed roles, for a different movie maybe.
My experiment in minimalist lifestyle design while traveling, being a digital nomad if you will, has taught me the truth.
That a job role is not who I am, it is an artificial reality we all agree too. After all, what happens when we leave a job, do we disappear?
No, of course not, we continue to live and hopefully evolve.
Police officers have one of the highest suicide rates for retirees, I believe a lot of that has to do with loss, the loss of an identity that played a crucial role for that person’s life.
Want to stay out of that trap? Follow these three tips to keep your identity independent of any job role.
3 Keys to a Healthy Identity
Base very little of your identity around your job. You are a complex human being, you are more than a uniform or job title.
Explore a wide variety of interests. Even if you feel you may not be good at them, continue to continue and try new things, don’t get stuck in a pattern.
Develop friendships with people from all over. Don’t just hang out with people from your job or other like-minded professionals. Develop diverse relationships with people who will expand your awareness and challenge your views at the time.
Following those three keys isn’t easy, at times I find myself falling into the same pattern and only hanging out with like-minded people.
However, when I realize I am doing this, I pull myself out of my comfort zone.
Keeping a healthy identity that continues to evolve throughout life is a necessity to develop psychological resilience, obviously for readers of my blog, another topic I am very passionate about.
