This is my entry for round 12 of the Information Finding Championship (IFC). In this round we have to teach the group something of our choosing. I've decided to teach everyone how to read the book "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace.
Step 1. Get hyped up about book after watching movie about David Foster Wallace and his best selling book "Infinite Jest."
Step 2. Purchase book from Amazon or other online book store and patiently await its arrival. In the mean time, take on an air of pretentious arrogance at the thought that you will soon be reading such an iconic book.
Step 3. On its arrival notice the weight of the package. Open it and notice the thickness of the book. 1000 pages of tiny print.
Become a bit nervous with the realization that this is going to be a daunting task. Reassure yourself that you are doing something important and that the valueable insights hidden within the books pages will be worth it alone. Not to mention how sophisticated you will appear when you tell your friends what you are currently reading.
Step 4. Begin reading book. After noticing that it is quite boring and feels a lot like work, try hard not to fall asleep.
Step 5. Create reading schedule to help you get through the task. If you can force yourself to read 10 pages per day you will complete the book in approximately 100 days. That's only three months. You can do this!
Step 6. Fuck that! Give up after successfully reading 66 pages.
Step 7. Feel like a fraud and a failure. Take note that your own pretentious arrogance cost you $30 dollars.
Step 8. Humbled by your failure, attempt to redeem yourself by giving it to a friend to read. At least that way it wont be a complete waste. Remember that you have a friend who is known for reading many books and who often reads boring books. Also take note of his obsessive personality, recalling a conversation in which he informed you that once he starts a book he feels compelled to finish it and that he has never not finished a book. Maliciously and manipulatively, talk up the book to your friend until he agrees to read it.
Step 9. Feel relieved that the book is out of your house, no longer reminding you of your ineptitude.
Step 10. Feel intense shock when 3 months later friend returns book to you stating that he is "over it."
Step 11. Inquire about friends experience and come to learn that your friend only made it to page 244. Laugh when friend informs you that there is a 20 page section within the book that is literally gibberish - you're not surprised.
Step 12. Spend some time contemplating the point of the book. Perhaps the book has no meaning at all? Perhaps the immense length and pointlessness of the book is a malicious joke formulated by its author? Perhaps the author is currently laughing in the afterlife at anyone who reads his nonsense book?
Step 14. Get rid of book. Throw it in the garbage, or if your city has a recycling program, in the recycling bin.
